No more Joy

Well it has been so long since I wrote anything, not much new, same old heartache, I miss Ash more and more but nothing seems to help.. Her sisters seem to go about their lives , I guess they need to but I feel stuck , stuck in a life with no joy no true joy I smils sometimes I laugh sometimes but with a half heart , wish I could feel the way I did before that miserable day! I just want to see Ash smile and laugh..come home from college, she would be in her senior yr! next month she wuld have been 20 !! I hat this , nothing I can do , but get up eveyday and go about my life in a daze!!  The little league held a Ashley Smith memorial event it was nice , parents played against their kids teams but then it got rained out, but it was nice to actually see Ashley's name written , so everyone could see and would ask ablut her and who she was!! but also was hard bittersweet I guess....