no more blocking........

so in late january of 2010 i was raped for the second time of my life.....and every year i've been able to block it out of my life....after it happened i used a guy for sex...last december i had a fling with a high school friend and used him for sex....i'm no longer gonna push it away anymore.....the thing is, i remember very little about what the guy looked like, what kind of car i was in, anything.....i remember a big black SUV and his words, making me get in the car and then the stuff he made me do.....i remember where it happened and i can go back to that place without any flashbacks or anything...i'm really nervous now that i'll have flashbacks this year....i'll finally be accepting it without pushing it away or blocking it out.....i'm nervous about what will happen, but i'm hoping for the best...