No matter where you go, there you are
Well, here I am in N. P., and my mind is still racing and unsettled. I still haven't closed up the house in W., and life down here is racing out of control.
One daughter is asking me over for coffee, which is great and she's less than 1/2 hour away, also great, but the other daughter called and demanded that I attend the birthday party for my granddaughter, who turned 1 year old, rather than inviting me, and other people had already made plans for me that day. That trip would have taken 3 to 5 hours out of a day that other people had already filled up.
I hadn't know about the party for very long because the invitations went through some sort of Facebook notification, which I never received. Not even knowing that I would be in Southern New England on the day, I didn't know that I would even be close enough to attend when the party was first brought to my attention, so I didn't make plans to attend, and sort of forgot about it.
I know, that's my granddaughter and I should have kept the date clear, but with my mother in the nursing home and me in her house and my brother and the girl starting high school and all that nonsense, I got kind of really busy.
So, I forgot about it, and when my cousin, who lives 15 minutes from here, invited me to go to his house and see relatives I hadn't seen for years in a pleasant environment, I accepted his invitation.
After last month, when my older daughter and her best friend started up about sending the girl to either jail or the hospital and kept it up for nearly a month, the girl did not want to make the hour and a half drive to attend the baby's 1st birthday party either.
Because given the choice of going to a birthday party with relatives she knew would probably get up in her face or meeting relatives who would be happy to meet her, she chose to go meet relatives who would be happy to meet her.
Go figure.
So the day of the party, my older daughter called, and I started to tell her that I had to finish my mother's laundry, which was in the dryer, and bring it over to her, and that the girl did not want to go, and was about to tell her that I would be late and couldn't stay long when she said "Well, I have the right to be angry about this and I'm hanging up now" and she hung up on me, and I haven't heard from her since.
Now my older daughter isn't speaking to me.
This is the same daughter that I stood behind when she decided that she was gay. And bisexual. And a dominatrix. And "poly-amourous". I've picked her up at gay bars and attended a "fetish flea" market with her, where she embarrassed quite a few of her aquaintences by introducing me as her "mommy".
I stood by her all her life and never judged her, even when her choices were totally oposite of what I would have chosen for her - even when I thought she was making a mistake, I stood behind her.
And she can't be bothered even caring to find out how I am. I spent 1 1/2 years on antibiotics for Ostiomiolitis, a very painful bone infection, and she told me that she didn't believe that I was sick. I had to relearn how to walk 3 times over 4 years and rebuild myself from the point where I could not even sit up without help and I had to do it alone, because no one was there to help me and Medicaid won't pay for physical therapy.
When my 2 girls were teenagers, the younger one was out of control and I gave up on her - I let her go live with her father, and when he gave up on her, she went to Job Corp and then she was on her own for a while. I gave almost all that I had to my older daughter, because I thought I could only save one of them.
My younger daughter is still there for me - still cares for me. My older daughter now judges me and finds me lacking, no matter what the area. It breaks my heart.
One daughter is asking me over for coffee, which is great and she's less than 1/2 hour away, also great, but the other daughter called and demanded that I attend the birthday party for my granddaughter, who turned 1 year old, rather than inviting me, and other people had already made plans for me that day. That trip would have taken 3 to 5 hours out of a day that other people had already filled up.
I hadn't know about the party for very long because the invitations went through some sort of Facebook notification, which I never received. Not even knowing that I would be in Southern New England on the day, I didn't know that I would even be close enough to attend when the party was first brought to my attention, so I didn't make plans to attend, and sort of forgot about it.
I know, that's my granddaughter and I should have kept the date clear, but with my mother in the nursing home and me in her house and my brother and the girl starting high school and all that nonsense, I got kind of really busy.
So, I forgot about it, and when my cousin, who lives 15 minutes from here, invited me to go to his house and see relatives I hadn't seen for years in a pleasant environment, I accepted his invitation.
After last month, when my older daughter and her best friend started up about sending the girl to either jail or the hospital and kept it up for nearly a month, the girl did not want to make the hour and a half drive to attend the baby's 1st birthday party either.
Because given the choice of going to a birthday party with relatives she knew would probably get up in her face or meeting relatives who would be happy to meet her, she chose to go meet relatives who would be happy to meet her.
Go figure.
So the day of the party, my older daughter called, and I started to tell her that I had to finish my mother's laundry, which was in the dryer, and bring it over to her, and that the girl did not want to go, and was about to tell her that I would be late and couldn't stay long when she said "Well, I have the right to be angry about this and I'm hanging up now" and she hung up on me, and I haven't heard from her since.
Now my older daughter isn't speaking to me.
This is the same daughter that I stood behind when she decided that she was gay. And bisexual. And a dominatrix. And "poly-amourous". I've picked her up at gay bars and attended a "fetish flea" market with her, where she embarrassed quite a few of her aquaintences by introducing me as her "mommy".
I stood by her all her life and never judged her, even when her choices were totally oposite of what I would have chosen for her - even when I thought she was making a mistake, I stood behind her.
And she can't be bothered even caring to find out how I am. I spent 1 1/2 years on antibiotics for Ostiomiolitis, a very painful bone infection, and she told me that she didn't believe that I was sick. I had to relearn how to walk 3 times over 4 years and rebuild myself from the point where I could not even sit up without help and I had to do it alone, because no one was there to help me and Medicaid won't pay for physical therapy.
When my 2 girls were teenagers, the younger one was out of control and I gave up on her - I let her go live with her father, and when he gave up on her, she went to Job Corp and then she was on her own for a while. I gave almost all that I had to my older daughter, because I thought I could only save one of them.
My younger daughter is still there for me - still cares for me. My older daughter now judges me and finds me lacking, no matter what the area. It breaks my heart.
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