No matter where I go...
I always develop a screaming need to be somewhere else. Even when I go to the supermarket, after a while I really, really, really need to go home. I've learned to shop very quickly.
My friend asked me to watch her baby and her house for a few days, so I went down to Southern Mass and she left on Monday. Tuesday was ok, as was Wednesday, although I got an earful from everyone, including the downstairs neighbor, about my friend, her son, and everything.
It's to be expected, I guess, because people do talk to me about their problems. By Thursday, I was ready to go home. Her life is exhausting! She was supposed to come home Thursday, and I waited all day for her to arrive. At around 5:30 I found out that she was delaying coming home until Friday. I started to get upset as soon as I heard about it. I fumed and walked around abit, then started packing my stuff up.
Realizing that the baby was in his father's hands, and would be babysat by the teenager (as was usual), I realized that they didn't need me to stay.
Around 7:00 I left, starting a 6 hour journey to get home. I arrived home at 1:00 in the morning.
2 days later, I am still exhausted. I still feel extremely guilty about leaving before she got back, but last night found out that she was still not home when I was going to bed at 10:00. If I had waited for her, I would have been there another 2 days.
I realized that not only does everyone take advantage of me, but there is no one that I can rely upon to help me when I need help. I will have to learn to rely upon myself if I want to fix my life because there is nobody that is going to help me - they are all too embroiled in their own lives to spare the time or energy.
I've been feeling like I needed help with everything for a while, and I didn't used to feel that way. But all this responsibility is confusing me. I need to create a life which has less responsibility and complication so that I can meet my responsibilities better than this.
Good luck to me!
My friend asked me to watch her baby and her house for a few days, so I went down to Southern Mass and she left on Monday. Tuesday was ok, as was Wednesday, although I got an earful from everyone, including the downstairs neighbor, about my friend, her son, and everything.
It's to be expected, I guess, because people do talk to me about their problems. By Thursday, I was ready to go home. Her life is exhausting! She was supposed to come home Thursday, and I waited all day for her to arrive. At around 5:30 I found out that she was delaying coming home until Friday. I started to get upset as soon as I heard about it. I fumed and walked around abit, then started packing my stuff up.
Realizing that the baby was in his father's hands, and would be babysat by the teenager (as was usual), I realized that they didn't need me to stay.
Around 7:00 I left, starting a 6 hour journey to get home. I arrived home at 1:00 in the morning.
2 days later, I am still exhausted. I still feel extremely guilty about leaving before she got back, but last night found out that she was still not home when I was going to bed at 10:00. If I had waited for her, I would have been there another 2 days.
I realized that not only does everyone take advantage of me, but there is no one that I can rely upon to help me when I need help. I will have to learn to rely upon myself if I want to fix my life because there is nobody that is going to help me - they are all too embroiled in their own lives to spare the time or energy.
I've been feeling like I needed help with everything for a while, and I didn't used to feel that way. But all this responsibility is confusing me. I need to create a life which has less responsibility and complication so that I can meet my responsibilities better than this.
Good luck to me!
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