No Life

I really am ready to give up,I have nothing that make's me happy anymore. I have done nothing but cry most of the day,and yesterday. Im so tired of being sad,but, it's only been right at 3 month's. I was doing good,we moved into this mobile home from that apt that we hated(me and kids) I thought we would feel better in here. I think the kid's do some but I am still the same.Is any of this ever going to change?It doesn't feel like it, I looked up the symptoms for a nervous breakdown and it describes me to a tee. I don't understand why any of this has happened to us.I sometimes wish I would die,that would take care of my missing Pat cause I would be with him.But what about the kid's?I don't want them to be sad over me dying too.I have thought about going to get checked at the doctor,If he was to tell me I had 6 month's to live,I would jump up and down and take the kid's to Olive garden to celebrate.(I wouldn't tell them why for awhile till I knew they were going to be ok) What kind of life do you have when the only thing you are happy about is that every day,every hour,yes even every second is a bit closer to me being back with Pat.This life suck's