No Idea
So, it appears today I found out that regardless of what I do to help myelf get into the degree I want here I can't because I did not do mathematics in yr 11/12 at school.
I'm in for high school teaching, but its not what I want to do and I had my hopes on getting closer in either primary of high school but the universities close only accept those who have done mathematics. When I went into yr 11/12 it wasnt needed.
I'm lost, I don't know what to do, it was what I wanted to do for SO long...I hated where I was and loved my degree, now I love where I am and CANT get into my degree.
So I'm stuck, I have no idea where my life is going and I'm scared to not have a plan. I feel like the biggest dickhead. Today I thought, it's ok, finish this year and pick something else...what? I want to work with young kids, its what I've always been able to see myself doing and its what everyone else has said they can see me doing also.
I'm fighting a disease away from my family, I have no direction in life and my biggest support is my boyfriend who if I tell him this with the tears in my eyes will think I'm not happy with him. It's NOT him. I hate not having control, I hate not having an idea...it scares me, I'm scared of failure and instead of hitting it head on I curl up in a ball, I'm so emotional, so fragile. I am trying so hard for this degree and it's never going to be good enough.
He would love me no matter what I did in life, but I just feel like I've failed myself if I dont do the one thing I want to do....There's always something else to do, but this is my dream. I've almost done two years of this degree to find out I cannot transfer. It hurts, it hurts so much.
I have this year to work out what I want to do... but Im so hurt, I have no idea...and I don't want anyone to see how hurt I am. If my parents see it they will worry, if my boyfriend see's it he will worry.
I'm a little lost right now. Alot lost.
Speak soon.
I'm in for high school teaching, but its not what I want to do and I had my hopes on getting closer in either primary of high school but the universities close only accept those who have done mathematics. When I went into yr 11/12 it wasnt needed.
I'm lost, I don't know what to do, it was what I wanted to do for SO long...I hated where I was and loved my degree, now I love where I am and CANT get into my degree.
So I'm stuck, I have no idea where my life is going and I'm scared to not have a plan. I feel like the biggest dickhead. Today I thought, it's ok, finish this year and pick something else...what? I want to work with young kids, its what I've always been able to see myself doing and its what everyone else has said they can see me doing also.
I'm fighting a disease away from my family, I have no direction in life and my biggest support is my boyfriend who if I tell him this with the tears in my eyes will think I'm not happy with him. It's NOT him. I hate not having control, I hate not having an idea...it scares me, I'm scared of failure and instead of hitting it head on I curl up in a ball, I'm so emotional, so fragile. I am trying so hard for this degree and it's never going to be good enough.
He would love me no matter what I did in life, but I just feel like I've failed myself if I dont do the one thing I want to do....There's always something else to do, but this is my dream. I've almost done two years of this degree to find out I cannot transfer. It hurts, it hurts so much.
I have this year to work out what I want to do... but Im so hurt, I have no idea...and I don't want anyone to see how hurt I am. If my parents see it they will worry, if my boyfriend see's it he will worry.
I'm a little lost right now. Alot lost.
Speak soon.
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