No Idea

So, it appears today I found out that regardless of what I do to help myelf get into the degree I want here I can't because I did not do mathematics in yr 11/12 at school.
I'm in for high school teaching, but its not what I want to do and I had my hopes on getting closer in either primary of high school but the universities close only accept those who have done mathematics. When I went into yr 11/12 it wasnt needed.
I'm lost, I don't know what to do, it was what I wanted to do for SO long...I hated where I was and loved my degree, now I love where I am and CANT get into my degree.
So I'm stuck, I have no idea where my life is going and I'm scared to not have a plan. I feel like the biggest dickhead. Today I thought, it's ok, finish this year and pick something else...what? I want to work with young kids, its what I've always been able to see myself doing and its what everyone else has said they can see me doing also.
I'm fighting a disease away from my family, I have no direction in life and my biggest support is my boyfriend who if I tell him this with the tears in my eyes will think I'm not happy with him. It's NOT him. I hate not having control, I hate not having an idea...it scares me, I'm scared of failure and instead of hitting it head on I curl up in a ball, I'm so emotional, so fragile. I am trying so hard for this degree and it's never going to be good enough.
He would love me no matter what I did in life, but I just feel like I've failed myself if I dont do the one thing I want to do....There's always something else to do, but this is my dream. I've almost done two years of this degree to find out I cannot transfer. It hurts, it hurts so much.
I have this year to work out what I want to do... but Im so hurt, I have no idea...and I don't want anyone to see how hurt I am. If my parents see it they will worry, if my boyfriend see's it he will worry.
I'm a little lost right now. Alot lost.
Speak soon.

Replies

wildorchid81
wildorchid81

In short... I married my husband and moved across the country. I worked very hard for my degree and I was also able to obtain licensure. THE BUMMER... I am now working a job that has really almost nothing to do with either and probably won\'t until we move again. Then if I am able to find something I will be looking at starting at the bottom or middle at best when after the time and energy I\'ve put in I should be closer to the top. I indeed understand your frustration. I too am away from my family and dealing with the constant changes that endo puts my body through. I am always strong and I never want to appear weak. I\'ve had those moments where I have just laid down and cried.

Give yourself that moment. Lay down and cry... scream... whatever you need to do. But when that moment is over, get up and move forward. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Not being able to get the degree that you want right now may not be the end. In this journey you may find that this is just a temporary block to your ultimate goal or you might discover something that brings more joy than you could have imagined.

I know it\'s hard when you want something so badly, and just can\'t seem to get there. Stay positive and things will work themselves out... I tell myself that everyday. I\'m not positive everyday, like I said, give yourself those moments to cry, but you will be OK. Lots of HUGS :)
taters90
taters90

Thankyou for your comment, it appears I may ahve to do a year and a half worth of study to obtain the mathematics needed to get in (which is SO disheartening that everything I\'ve done so far means diddly quat!) Im still emailing around and looking into things. I have cried, so much and he has seen it all, its hard on him he feels like he taking me away from my dreams when it isnt him, it\'s the fact what I\'ve done isnt good enough now, all because of 1 subject, just 1 subject!
Im looking into my options, Im still down, but as you said something better may be around the corner and atleast now I have the time to find it!
There are great things in life - just being such a soft person makes things so much more difficult I believe.

Thanks for your words, I hope you\'re going well!
HUGS back =)
xox
deleted_user
deleted_user

Big hugs and love to you.... ive discussed this with you and im praying and hoping for a solution for you xoxoxox
taters90
taters90

Thankyou gorgeous,
Praying for you also
xoxoxo
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have no idea what you are talking about as far as schooling because it seems to different from how things work here, but if it\'s what you really WANT then don\'t give up. There has to be a way to get in. Maybe you spend another year doing what you\'ve been doing before you can get into the university? Do the classes that need to be done and then try again? Is that an option?

Don\'t give up though sweetie. If it comes down to it maybe find something that will satisfy you until you can get it taken care of. Or maybe some that will just satisfy you altogether. I can tell you this though, accepting defeat is NOT an option. You take what\'s been given to you, you cry about it, you pick yourself back up and you move on. And if you\'re boyfriend really cant handle you talking about it, he really thinks it\'s him that you are unhappy with, there are plenty of people here that you can talk to and none of us are going to think that. Vent to us as much as you need, but never ever ever ever accept defeat.

Be strong! You are a woman! Curling up into a ball and letting your troubles get the best of you is not what you were made to do. You have many year a head of you and I know that what ever it is that needs to be done to get to where you WANT to be in life, you will accomplish. Keep your chin up and keep on doing your best. You are not a failure and you never will be as long as you give it your best, I promise you this!

XOXOXOXOXOXOX
Jessica!
taters90
taters90

Thankyou gorgeous!

I\'ve had one university be SO helpful, its a hard course to get into but I said to mum, if I dont try, Ill hate myself more for it. I have a couple of options at the moment and I intend on taking them all and hoping for the absolute best!

It is so different it appears, Im never sure who is doing what over there.

Thankyou for listening to my vent, thanks for your words of advice also, so wonderful!

xoxoxoxox