no i wont worry about making it short

im feeling so..i dont know even how to describe it, maybe lost is the feelieng, in my "rainbow" side im so proud of myself and im happy to accept who i am and preparing to ignore what the rest think about it, but on the other side, im a kinda of sad, i feel lonely, i mean, my mother is biblical my god she always talks about gay parenting as if those parents were the most unfortunate in the whole world and she is convinved we are from hell or stuff like that, by the other side, my father is more open minded but he is quite jealous,I bet when i tel him about my bisexuality, i will have like zero friends, or at least, no one that near, (in my mind i am like "im bisexual, if you are a girl it doesnt mean i like you, if you are a boy i dont want to impress you") but my father doesnt agrees,but ok, i can totally ignore that, my parents are divorved , i live in my father´s house but most of the time he is working and my grandma is supervising me so, really i came to the point in which i´ll rather try to give zero f***s than getting depressed, but the other problem is, i reallly want to meet people, i dont care if its online, or IRL but i want to have friends like me, and i dont mean bisexual, i mean LGBT, poeple who had been through this or are going or will, i wish i could be able to help someone, i can mostly, but in this moment, i need help.
last night i did something stupid, boys have hurt me like ..a lot and actually im looking for a girl, not only because of that, its because i had never been into really something with one, and the truth is..i want; so last night, even though im not in love with nobody nowadays, i wrote poems for "my gf" (the one i dont have), maybe if i meet a girl so special io could show her my poems, maybe i could love her till the end, or maybe it could be a sad experience but i wont give up on love, because i need, i have a lot of family issues so i have grown up psicologically indepent, maybe thats why i love people, i mena, yes im such an extrovert person, i believe friends are my family
if someone read this, please add me, please let me know you, i dont want to terrify you because i said i was looking forward for a girl, believe me im so lonely i need friends i need someone to talk, im tired of writting, singing and drawing, o well i love doing those stuff, but it becomes sad when those activities become your friends, your LGBT  friends, the only one who understand you and dont tell you you are going through a phase, or that you are a bitch, i lost my "bff" this week because i told her about my bisexuality, well, if i lost her, maybe she was never my bff....