No He Wasn't Perfect...

It is sad how children seem more and more to find it easier to see only the mistakes their parents made and not the good things...  Lots of reasons why...  but it is hard when you're bearing only the blame and none of the appreciation...
I love my son... and I believe he loves me...  but he blames me for pretty much everything.  I'm guilty of a lot of things... but I don't think I've ever deliberately or maliciously wounded my children... just stupidity... human selfishness even... insanity in a way... my lack of confidence and my addiction to food have definitely been problems for my children as well as for me...
My son and I have managed now and then to share time...  but seriously... I have felt so rejected by my son that when during a recent conversation he said he had something he wanted to share with me... it was good news... but he wanted me not to be sharing the info...  and then he said... you're my mom so I wanted to tell you...  and tears sprang to my eyes... not for the news... but because he said... you're my mom... sometimes I don't think it matters to him...  but maybe...  I hope he'll come to a time when he will remember some good things I did...
I had been struggling with today... wondering if I should even mention my father... there were lots of issues...
but then I remembered a job he had building highways... working with heavy hard to move at times cement... coming home and he'd have to ease his work boots off...  his feet all blistered... and making big breakfasts... now honestly... the food was great... but daddy was a total mess in the kitchen... every bowl, pot pan in the house it seemed like had to come out... and I was on KP duty... LOL 
Anyway... bottom line... for this moment Daddy... I am sorry for seeing the bad and forgetting the good.  I really loved some of those hours long conversations we had when you came to visit and we'd talk and talk... I loved your intelligence... I loved your humanity... the way you really cared about people less fortunate...  Our talks about Huey P Long really helped fashion how I feel about people and wealth and poverty.  Happy Fathers Day to my dad, James Paul Sisk.  Your daughter Elissa



This is a beautiful journal to read and it truly spoke to me right now. My relationship with my son is not perfect right now and I am feeling hurt.

You are a very wise women to see both sides of the coin Elissa. Most of us only see one side at a time, either the good or the bad, but nothing and no one is all of either. We all have a little of each.

Dear Elissa. That is a tribute I am sure your dad would be pleased to see.
I am sorry your son sees the negatives and not so much the positives. Our kids didn\'t come with instructions and there were no \'how to\' classes. We did the best we could. Perhaps your son is coming to realize that he is lucky to have a mom that loves him dearly.
Love and tight hugs, M

Generally as our children have their own children they become humbled a bit at what a huge and daunting job truly being a parent is. Hoping your son can see and know that you did your best with what you knew at the time and that he IS loved.

Towards the end of my mom\'s life she asked me if she had been a good mom? I could not believe it because I thought I had told her that countless times and even if I had she needed to hear it again. I took that knowledge and let my dad know at the end of his life that he had been the best dad ever and teacher for me. I still can see the look in his eyes when I said it and it was a gift of peace that I wanted him to have.

Your dear dad hears your heart and he knows... I can just imagine the kitchen and the wonderful long talks you shared. Our parents shape us in ways that they could never imagine.

Hoping today has been a gentle day for you and thank you for sharing, Elissa.

Loving care,
XO Joanie

Such a beautiful post Elissa. None of us were perfect parents but it is rare that a parent acts maliciously. I wish I knew what I know now but I cannot change the mistakes I made. Just like our parents...
Its important to see the good and the best of intentions. Well said.
Hugs, Linda