No guts
Well, I have studying to do a new course at university. I can't deny it's a course that it's pretty much more interesting than the one I did in the last five years and that I didn't enjoyed at all.This course was making me unhappy but I didn't stop because I didn't know what to do until I heard about this new course I am talking about. Still, I have some challenges to face, as it's a new one I don't think there's enough opportunities in my city. So sometimes I think I am going through an empty option. I am afraid, because when I finish this course I'll be 26. I am trying to get a job in the area of my graduation. I know I am not going to enjoy that much, it's going to be hard, but I need money, and i have no other option. I could give english classes but with my emotional problems I don't think it's something recommended. It's better if I find a burocratic job.Sometimes I have this fear of never getting a job, it's like an empty hole under my feet. But I promised myself I was going to study hard to get this job (I need to be approved in a test). I am trying not to worry that much, and everytime worries come i say "go away, I am doing what is necessary, i can't guess the future, i have to stop planning things i don't even know if it's gonna happen or not, all i can do is live today, control my acts today, let it go". I feel really good when i can put this worries away you know? it's like trowing out something really heavy out of my back and starting to breath naturally, with no pressions. I think I am the one who pressions myself the most. The positive side of all this is that I am walking through a path where I am really trying to be happy, I can't wait to start this course and see if it's really my future profession or not, but only the fact of trying it it's a big step. I am completely changing area, it may work or not but I guess people have no option but trying to be the happiest they can and this is what I am doing. God is taking through the right way....even if it doesn't work...I will find my way...
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