No feeling exactly

Actually that title is not really correct.  I'm angry and sad I left my kids with HIM at the beach, while I had to come back for orientation Monday and Tuesday.  I'm angry he will be taking Nate to the dr's visit instead of me...I've been doing it for 6 and 2 years respectively.  I know he is their dad but I don't want to give up my control that I've had...he did not want to do anything with them until it came to light about his cheating...now he's playing the prodigal father...obviously someone is putting a bug in his ear to do it or he wouldn't be.  I'm afraid I will lose my boys to HIM over this and over time because of my having to go to work now, and him getting more vacation time than ever.  HE did THIS to our family and I have to pay the price.  I'm so alone with no sound of the boys in the house and the silence is deafening.  I miss them, not just because of them, but because he has them and I cannot monitor what he is doing.  It has always been my job.  Again, he's slowly chipping at me..using them to chip at me and I have to let him for their sake.