No Father's Day Celebration for Me
This week is a celebration of Father's Day. I will not celebrate it because around this time, I get depressed. My sister notices that I am depressed but doesn't see and realize the reason why I am depressed. The reason is that I don't have my daughter in my life. My former Girlfriend has cut off all access I have to being in my daughter's life. For 14 years, I haven't been in my daughter's life and it has both frustrated and depressed me. I had also tried looking for a good support group for Noncustodial Fathers and have been unsuccessful.
The one that I was ordered by the Family Court Judge to attend was horrible and no help at all. Their Fatherhood program teaches Men to be bitter towards their exes and acted like that for awhile and decided to leave that horrible program when they didn't help me when I needed them who had helped me obtain employment at that time and when the mandatory attendance to it was finished. Over the years, I had several missteps seeing the right support group for Noncustodial Fathers and have decided to stop looking and just work on myself. I must stop being depressed when June 16th comes around. It has been a stab at me emotionally and cannot talk to my sister or brother because they don't understand what I am going through because they aren't parents yet.
Going to prayer isn't enough and don't have much activities other than Working out or watching tv. I love those activities but don't want to only engage in those activities. The emotional and mental trauma of enduring that stupid program I was forced to go to for 4 weeks and the Family Court Judge's words has had an effect on me plus that program's instructors belittling me at the same time also hurt. The Judge had belittled me in Court and couldn't stand up for myself, I had to put up with her abuse and she has done this to people. I will not mention her name because she isn't worth remembering. When Father's Day on Sunday comes, I just purposely shut it out of my mind and pretend it's not there but I am fooling myself. I really want someone I can talk to without shame who can understand what I am going through.
I am not writing for sympathy, I need help which is why I have decided to come back. I cannot do the Lone Wolf approach anymore, it is a waste of time. Any man who is a Noncustodial Father can relate to my situation. I admit to bearing responsiblity for my situation and don't put all the blame on my ex. We are both to blame! I want to be in my child's life and it's frustrating that I am not and want to be a better father than my own father because he wasn't in my life because of the things that happened in his life. I am not making excuses for him, he had a hard life and beginning to understand my father better which is a lesson to me to be a better parent and not make excuses.
Not having my daughter in my life has made me cry. I had to hold my tears in to prevent myself from crying publicly that would result in an emotional breakdown. No one in my life understands that pain. I am thankful to be a member of Daily Strength and would like to reach out for others who understand my situation. I am tired of crying alone and dealing with this pain on my own. Whoever reads this entry, I am asking for help.
Replies
Sorry you are having trouble. I have been a non-custodial father for 60 years. It was hard in the beginning, especially right after 'my' son, age 10 at the time, got moved across the country, I didn't fight it, because his mom got a great job there, which reduced her needs for support. She even was able to pay for his college. Other than sending the occasional card or gift, I wasn't very good about staying in touch, but that made things easier for all of us. Sometimes I wonder how they are doing, but catching up is more painful than just wondering and hoping for the best. If he wants to call, he knows where to find me.
I can listen if you want to talk about it.
Sure Bonusjack, I would like that. I wold love to hear from someone who can relate to what I am going through. My ex won't even allow me any time and opportunity to be in my daughter's life. She is purposely erasing me from her life. I don't mind paying Child Support, I have a right to be in my daughter's life and her father. I hate The Family Court System and these Judges don't care that they are hurting the fathers and destroying families in the process.
After 14 years, I'm surprised that you have found nothing to fill the gap. Try not to obsess over it all. How old is your daughter now, and what kind of visitation schedule have you worked out? Whatever it is, I hope you made sure that you were Johnny-on-the-spot in compliance and always on your best behavior, so your daughter didn't have to stress over the visits. Avoid trying to buy her affection, and when she wants to go home, never stand in her way, even if it is "your weekend". She will appreciate you more for it, after she is grown. Use your energy to save money for her college/wedding. If it is feasible, let her mom provide all appropriate transportation out of the support money you pay. i.e the custodial parent should buy the child any car/insurance needed.. If your daughter is already an independant adult, the role you play in her life will probably be her own decision.