No end in sight
There is no end in sight. I must face this monster day and night. Life is difficult.(first sentence in the book, The Road Less Traveled) I know everyone here does know how very difficult life can be. I would gladly trade this entire body severe pain 24/7 to be sitting in a wheelchair with no bodily pain. Last night again I lie in bed weeping not sleeping due to this PAIN. If there were an end in sight I could be courageous. Like if I were recovering from surgery for example or even dying of cancer. There is no end in sight and what is happening in my body is progressive/worsening, that is what I have to look forward to. If you suffer as I, it is endurance we need. There are a few other words I wanted to add to endurance but my foggy mind with memory loss and especially word loss cannot find those words right now. How do we cope with this crap and go on day after day not even feeling half alive? God, I wish I had some answers. Sherry
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It\'s been 12yrs for me and I\'m not sure \"how we cope.\" When everything we ever stood for is gone, it\'s pretty scary. I\'m sure it\'s different for everyone. I do know, it certainly does create, for me, complete humbleness.
It\'s so frightening at times; thoughts of suicide has come to me more than once. But, I can\'t do it........to me or my children and grandchildren.
There\'s been lots of anger, lots of tears, lots of questions,(mostly, why me?) now, 12yrs later, I am able every day to surrender to the day and ask for strength, guidance and wisdom to get thru.......I am always here if you ever, ever need a listening ear.......don\'t hesitate! Honestly, as strange as it sounds, thru this dis-ease, I have become a much stronger person, a much more compassionate person, a much less judgmental person, a less \"no-it-all\", and a much better listener........I\'m convinced that \"no one\" knows what the next minute will bring; so, I\'ve decided to live in the \"moment.\" For example, I\'m grateful I can type this letter......I\'m grateful you wrote, etc. Even though I can\'t do it long, I\'m grateful when I can.
Ok, enough rambling......you, my dear take care of yourself.
Hugs and Blessigs,
Vicki
Vicki, thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. I can relate to everything you have said here about your feelings and the positive changes in yourself. I just might look you up when I need a listener. As you know those who do not suffer as we do, don\'t care to listen. At least it\'s true with my family. Thank you and God\'s blessings to you. : )
Yes, the pain can stop me from counting little blessings. I have to force myself to stop and count them, until I fall asleep, sometimes...
It\'s hard to remember to count our blessings but very important. I have found it gives me a thankful heart regardless of my life\'s misery. It can for a moment or half a day sort of lift me above and away from all my physical suffering. : )
I have come to believe everything in life is a paradox.....this dis-ease certainly is. On one hand I have to say it is the worst thing that has ever happened to me; yet, one the other hand, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
HUMBLENESS comes to mind for me........I was once so egotistical (being self-honest) and now my Ego is somewhat fading as I truly humble myself and surrender daily to what Life sends my way, trying not to judge it.
Not sure what I\'m saying, but Humbleness is my word for myself today.-)
I \"HOPE\" YOU HAD A NICE DAY.
Vicki
Vicki