No door, but the hope won't leave =)
Ugh stupid internet. At least It’s letting me be on my instant messengers without too much trouble. So I guess I have a lot to update. Not sure really where to begin.
Well… I don’t have a door still. I’ve lived a week and a half without a door. It’s cold tonight so I’m a bit more rugged up than I usually am. It’s because of the wind. I love the wind. Even when it’s gale force I just love it. The sound lulls me to sleep. It’s beautiful. Some people hate when it’s windy. They say it’s hard to sleep with all that noise. I find I get the best sleep when it’s either raining or windy or both. For once I’m glad it’s not both, else I would be getting a very wet room, what with having no door and all.
Life lately has been moving at a slow pace. I finally got a call from a support group yesterday so after Monday my life can finally have a goal to move towards. Well, maybe goal isn’t the right word. It’s more like I have hope that will sustain me to fulfilling my current goals. It’s almost been 2 weeks since the horrible night when mum told me she was going to kick me out. Since then I’ve been trying to do some chores around home. I usually do the washing up. This morning was the second time in a fortnight that I didn’t do the washing up.
I’m really tired in the day. So much so that I just end up falling asleep and crashing for hours. Sometimes I feel like I’m almost comatose my sleep is that deep. At least I think people would look at me and think I’m comatose. I think I’ve worked out why I’m so tired all the time. When I was cleaning my room it was just like exercise. A lot of heavy lifting and scrubbing. So my body would’ve released endorphins and that’s why during those times I felt more like being awake. But once my room was finished the exercise ceased and my body is going back to feeling tired all the time. So I’ll have to start doing some exercise and waking it up. Because sleeping all day depresses the hell out of me because I’m missing out on so much with my family. So I really need to change it. I have an exercise bike so I can start with that. I also have an inflatable kickboxing stand so I’ll look at that tomorrow too.
My eating habits have been pretty good. After coming out of the closet and admitting to myself as well as to my family that I’m both an emotional eater and a sugar addict, I’ve taken steps to make sure I don’t fall into the same habits. The sugar is hard. Mum has so many things around me that are so tempting. No joke she just leaves them right in front of me or in the fridge. It’s so bloody hard. It’s like if a person were addicted to bourbon and then had to wade around in a bourbon-filled pool and not drink a sip. Like this morning I had bags and bags of lollies sitting in front of me. Not easy to resist the temptation but I did. Though I still think about them and the taste, ugh! Torture. I then have to sit and say to myself, “Lauren you are not hungry”. I need some better mantras for facing the sweets. The only thing that keeps me from taking them is the shame I felt when I had to confess to stealing sweets from my mum and how much I would hate to have to go through that same confession again.
I guess… you probably didn’t know that I stole off my own family. *sigh* It’s very hard to come clean about all this. I fear what people will think of me. But in the end I have to face what I did. I stole lollies, ice cream, soft drinks, crisps many many times for many many years. Lame, I know. Sugar addiction Is just so difficult. It’s a very real disease and probably a very underrated disease. Many people would probably think “what the hell?”. I probably even thought that a few times. But instead of pretending that I don’t have a problem I’m going to research it. I’m going to find out everything I can about this addiction, and I’m going to beat it. I will never, ever, ever sit down and have to confess to the horrible acts I’ve had to stoop to for this addiction. I will never again steal because I let the addiction rule my life. There comes a time in a person’s life where said person has to say “No more” and this is me saying: No bloody more!!!
So if you suffer a food addiction, be it eating too much, or eating too little, or being addicted to the dreadful sugar, know that you aren’t alone. I’m battling this beast along with you.
Well… I don’t have a door still. I’ve lived a week and a half without a door. It’s cold tonight so I’m a bit more rugged up than I usually am. It’s because of the wind. I love the wind. Even when it’s gale force I just love it. The sound lulls me to sleep. It’s beautiful. Some people hate when it’s windy. They say it’s hard to sleep with all that noise. I find I get the best sleep when it’s either raining or windy or both. For once I’m glad it’s not both, else I would be getting a very wet room, what with having no door and all.
Life lately has been moving at a slow pace. I finally got a call from a support group yesterday so after Monday my life can finally have a goal to move towards. Well, maybe goal isn’t the right word. It’s more like I have hope that will sustain me to fulfilling my current goals. It’s almost been 2 weeks since the horrible night when mum told me she was going to kick me out. Since then I’ve been trying to do some chores around home. I usually do the washing up. This morning was the second time in a fortnight that I didn’t do the washing up.
I’m really tired in the day. So much so that I just end up falling asleep and crashing for hours. Sometimes I feel like I’m almost comatose my sleep is that deep. At least I think people would look at me and think I’m comatose. I think I’ve worked out why I’m so tired all the time. When I was cleaning my room it was just like exercise. A lot of heavy lifting and scrubbing. So my body would’ve released endorphins and that’s why during those times I felt more like being awake. But once my room was finished the exercise ceased and my body is going back to feeling tired all the time. So I’ll have to start doing some exercise and waking it up. Because sleeping all day depresses the hell out of me because I’m missing out on so much with my family. So I really need to change it. I have an exercise bike so I can start with that. I also have an inflatable kickboxing stand so I’ll look at that tomorrow too.
My eating habits have been pretty good. After coming out of the closet and admitting to myself as well as to my family that I’m both an emotional eater and a sugar addict, I’ve taken steps to make sure I don’t fall into the same habits. The sugar is hard. Mum has so many things around me that are so tempting. No joke she just leaves them right in front of me or in the fridge. It’s so bloody hard. It’s like if a person were addicted to bourbon and then had to wade around in a bourbon-filled pool and not drink a sip. Like this morning I had bags and bags of lollies sitting in front of me. Not easy to resist the temptation but I did. Though I still think about them and the taste, ugh! Torture. I then have to sit and say to myself, “Lauren you are not hungry”. I need some better mantras for facing the sweets. The only thing that keeps me from taking them is the shame I felt when I had to confess to stealing sweets from my mum and how much I would hate to have to go through that same confession again.
I guess… you probably didn’t know that I stole off my own family. *sigh* It’s very hard to come clean about all this. I fear what people will think of me. But in the end I have to face what I did. I stole lollies, ice cream, soft drinks, crisps many many times for many many years. Lame, I know. Sugar addiction Is just so difficult. It’s a very real disease and probably a very underrated disease. Many people would probably think “what the hell?”. I probably even thought that a few times. But instead of pretending that I don’t have a problem I’m going to research it. I’m going to find out everything I can about this addiction, and I’m going to beat it. I will never, ever, ever sit down and have to confess to the horrible acts I’ve had to stoop to for this addiction. I will never again steal because I let the addiction rule my life. There comes a time in a person’s life where said person has to say “No more” and this is me saying: No bloody more!!!
So if you suffer a food addiction, be it eating too much, or eating too little, or being addicted to the dreadful sugar, know that you aren’t alone. I’m battling this beast along with you.
Replies