No Contact Woes
I'm reaching my three-year anniversary of therapy in November, and I'm excited about the strives I've made in life. Part of the changes has been to step away from my family (mainly mom and brother) several months ago when I realized they were never going to change and that I was officially codependent. I've since taken responsiblitiy for my own codependency and have given clear boundaries to my mother and brother, which were greeted with hostility and verbal abuse. I've had minimual contact with them, but recently it has become clear to me that it looks like "no contact" will have to be the way to go. I'd already resigned myself to this with my brother and mother, but I'm still grappling with my two nieces, who are caught in this dysfunctional family and who I love very much. My last attempt to strike some sort of balance with healing myself and still being part of their life failed because being with them entailed being with my mother and brother. I guess I just need some words of encouragement because I know that I am making the right decision by becoming healthy. It's just hard to not feel guilty when you know there are collateral damages.
Replies
Lordy, it is hard to walk away, and see through clear eyes. My thought with your nieces, to keep close, is send them cards of love and incouragement as they grow up.
Your Mom and Brother are doing the dance of denial. If they decide to wake up and smell the roses, wonderful. You are quite right, you can not change them, only your thoughts and reactions to the crap they dish out.
I too went down this road, for 1 long year I didn't see my Mom. What I've learned is that I denied myself through isolation, missing out on family functions etc. My family is all dead now....what I wouldn't give for one more of those toxic holiday meals together.
Thank you for your insights. It helps to know someone else has been where I am now.