no contact
I know that this was unusual but I did not have to text or phone my stbx in the last 24 hours and I was much calmer because of it. The down side is that I still do not have some vital info I need from him and I have no idea if he is seeing the children tomorrow or if so- at what time,etc. I do not want my children to rush into adulthood but I sure am looking forward to them handling their time with him THEMSELVES. I do NOT like to have to be in contact with him.
I actually was able to go through some old photos today w/o tears. I sorted a small box into his, mine and the daughters. I got rid of photos that were lousy, but I was able to look at photos of the children as babies- with both of us- and realize that the girls will want these. I plan to give them each photo boxes. I will even put some of the very best ones into my safety deposit box. He can do what he wants with the rest when I have finished. I see no reason to keep thousands of pics of the 2 of us. What is the point? I will give the girls some. He can have the rest to keep for them if he wishes. I do not want to be reminded of how he used to feel about me. I found more old papers of his and it felt good to be clearing out more of his mess. The garage is filling up. It will be good when he finally takes the stuff- but he won't do it until his name is off of the mortgage. Procrastinator as always...
I actually was able to go through some old photos today w/o tears. I sorted a small box into his, mine and the daughters. I got rid of photos that were lousy, but I was able to look at photos of the children as babies- with both of us- and realize that the girls will want these. I plan to give them each photo boxes. I will even put some of the very best ones into my safety deposit box. He can do what he wants with the rest when I have finished. I see no reason to keep thousands of pics of the 2 of us. What is the point? I will give the girls some. He can have the rest to keep for them if he wishes. I do not want to be reminded of how he used to feel about me. I found more old papers of his and it felt good to be clearing out more of his mess. The garage is filling up. It will be good when he finally takes the stuff- but he won't do it until his name is off of the mortgage. Procrastinator as always...
Replies
i commend you for being able to go through the pictures.. I cant do that yet.. I will.. and the movies and such.. Like you i am thinking the kids will want them.. He does not.. I did give him his albums from when he was younger, (minus my pics) It is easier to be no contact.. we can do this, moving forward, allwoing ourselves occasional slips ( we all have done it at some point.. it shows we truly loved and dont have that magical off switch) .be good to your self and the kids.. All else will fall into place
I was always the photographer and videographer in the family. I have THOUSANDS of photos and HOURS of video tape from the 30 years I spent with the X.
Did I give him any of the pictures or video? HELL NO! After all, HE is the one who wanted to pretend that he didn\'t spend all those years with me.
Too bad. So sad.
They are all mine to keep or discard.
I have pulled many of my favorite photos of the girls and am keeping pictures of us together with the girls for THEM but am putting them directly into photo boxes for my daughters. He is getting all of his old pics and films and everything I haven\'t pulled. I do not want the piles and piles and boxes and boxes. In the basement here are two 6 foot shelves filled with photos! I will end up keeping one plastic box full. i do not care what he does with the rest. It is very strange to look at so many photos of a smiling marriage. At least all of the recent years are digital which will make it so much easier to deal with. I WANT him to have the pile- He DID spend all those years with me. I think he needs to look through it all at least one more time. There are an awful lot of memories there- good memories which now will always be bittersweet. I will not look at these again unless the girls want to do it some day. He will have to go through them or rent a storage facility! In either case- he will have to face the past and admit that what we had was NOT terrible. We were a family and now we will never be the same again...The wedding albumn? He spent hours picking just the right photographer. HE can keep the albumn for his daughters. I really get too sad just seeing the box.