No appetite

I'm barely eating.  I hate myself.  
I smile all day and pretend I'm just too busy to eat.  I really am busy so that's not hard.
I just feel so sick with what I've done.  Does he feel sick?  I'm sure she does so he must.  Both women he loves are hurting. Both women.  God that is a screwed up sentence.
I hope it gets easier.  I need to breathe.