No Alarm

I woke up late this morning because my alarm didnt go off but I here I sit still in my bed.  I have choices to make and I need advice.  

3 years ago I met a wonderful man in New Jersey. I met him before Roomie.  I even went  2 years ago to be with him in New Jersey and thought I could be happy.  He has 2 children-1 daughter over the age of 21 and 9 year old he shares custody of.  I stayed a week-got spooked and left.  I dont know if it was a mistake to go there or a mistake to leave but he wants me to come back.  

Then...I have Roomie here that Im not happy with.  Hes a nice guy but I dont Love him.  Ive tried but I cant and dont want to settle.  In May my lease is up and I am planning to move out but have yet to tell Roomie. I had planned on telling him the first of Feb which gives him 90 days to plan.  I have grown comfortable and secure here but there is no passion and he acts like hes never had to work for a woman.  Marriage to him is a "convienance" as proven to me when he offered to marry me for insurance purposes.  I want more than that.

I have to have this surgery and am beggining the long drawn out fight for insurance coverage.  I couldnt get into a dr who took insurance for this procedure till May.  So...that puts me well after my move out date.  This means if I wouldnt go to New Jersey this year if thats what I decided.  My job is my job but I dont always feel secure there with my abrasive boss.

Heres what my gut tells me...I should move out and get a place of my own for a year.  Deal with the whole surgery thing..take my power back and stop putting myself at the mercy of someone else.  Ive got to realize in life that Sh*t just happens that is beyond our control.  I let my fears pertrify me and put myself with people because its safe But at the same time situations that dont allow me to grow.  

Any thoughts?