nightmarish 30th birthday
friday, last week, I got stuck being with a "friend" (?) and his girlfriend, on her 30th birthday---the nasty, hateful, way he treated her was traumatic for me, must have been a million times worse for her.
Before she joined us, he was complaining of her texting him 60 times, he complained how on his 30th birthday he only got a card, she asked him what he was getting her. He without a job, cheated on his first two wives a lot, he not liking that she doesnt dress fancy when they go out. "I don't love you!" he said to the poor thing, with her crying at least twice during the time I was with them, with on-going hateful talk from him during the couple hours we were together.
Ironic, crazy, hypocritical, thing---he, with a felony arrest, and 50 years old, ashamed of...her! Took me awhile to realize their relationship akin to my parents and me, with drunken, money-wasting them, ashamed of me when i was a teen nerd bullied in school.
Sunday they showed up, with part of her birthday cake he bought her, with me giving joking hints I don't want to be around them---with the duo the whole time repeating what happened Friday, till they quickly left. In the stairwell, I saw him yell and move towards her---with her flinching, as though she expected to be hit.
I put 5 dollars in a birthday card on Friday for her, took him and her out to...Taco Bell, bought her a ten dollar dvd. But, that's the most I can do for her; she has plenty of relatives, and no use saying anything to him since he's probably been acting this way since his teens.
And, selfishly, I'm worried about a colon test I'll be taking next month; gonna put that off as long as I can, cause afraid of the results.
Before she joined us, he was complaining of her texting him 60 times, he complained how on his 30th birthday he only got a card, she asked him what he was getting her. He without a job, cheated on his first two wives a lot, he not liking that she doesnt dress fancy when they go out. "I don't love you!" he said to the poor thing, with her crying at least twice during the time I was with them, with on-going hateful talk from him during the couple hours we were together.
Ironic, crazy, hypocritical, thing---he, with a felony arrest, and 50 years old, ashamed of...her! Took me awhile to realize their relationship akin to my parents and me, with drunken, money-wasting them, ashamed of me when i was a teen nerd bullied in school.
Sunday they showed up, with part of her birthday cake he bought her, with me giving joking hints I don't want to be around them---with the duo the whole time repeating what happened Friday, till they quickly left. In the stairwell, I saw him yell and move towards her---with her flinching, as though she expected to be hit.
I put 5 dollars in a birthday card on Friday for her, took him and her out to...Taco Bell, bought her a ten dollar dvd. But, that's the most I can do for her; she has plenty of relatives, and no use saying anything to him since he's probably been acting this way since his teens.
And, selfishly, I'm worried about a colon test I'll be taking next month; gonna put that off as long as I can, cause afraid of the results.
Replies
Oh my GOSH Mike! That DOES sound like childhood redux for you. Bless your heart for trying to make her BD a little better for her.
I think this guy needs to go off your friend list. Here\'s hoping you find better friends where you live now, and also that better internet deal!
Geez, it\'s good to hear of you getting out with people. Maybe you will end up as her friend rather than his. You are such a sweet guy. Always giving to others.
I am glad to hear you are looking out for your health. I went with my husband when he had his. He was very sedated so didn\'t find it too uncomfortable.
hi, TroJanThunder,
Unfortunately, i\'ve known too many male friends over the decades who have treated their girlfriends/wives bad, with a couple of the abused women even blaming nerd-me for the behavior.
This morning, as I left my apt, I did find a valentines day tiny notice under my door, with 4 people in the building having put their name to it; was probably given to # residents---though its still a LOT different from where i lived for 10 years.
KelleyPaterson,
thank you, too much for the kind words.
Now that a doctor actually recomended a colon exam, my imagination is into full force, expecting worst results, though I try to tell myself the cliche \"fears are stories we tell ourselves\"
That\'s nice about the valentine! Have you met very many new people in the building yet? How is Kitty getting along?
Try not to worry about the colonoscopy. It aint much fun to be sure but it is likely just a precaution.
I\'m the cliche of how once I no longer have the internet to \'socialize\", I have to do so in...person. The building has weekly movies to be shown, weekly morning coffee and donut, weekly bingo, and a few other things---with me starting to go to them.
The women I\'ve met, in their 50s, in the building, seem to have physical health problems, with men in 50s I see passing seem to have mental problems. Lots of residents in their 70s and 80s, who, thankfully, are full of life.
The man who plays the weekly dvds made a couple sexual jokes re the elderly, with his mom noting that I felt awkward about, with me sheepishly giving excuse of me being new, and that reason for whatever look on my face, vs any victorianism. He then related how he once dee jayed at the nudist colony some miles away, with his elderly mom also noting that he wore a diaper for a new year\'s eve dee jay job.
My imagination is going rabid about me having colon cancer, a month after doctor recomended the test, so i have to get the test just to know where i stand. Yesterday, thanks to building manager, i learned the hospital 3.4 miles away, actually picks people up, even for their main hospital 40 miles away, so that hassle is over for me----though, without a phone, i\'ll probably be walking part of way to nearby hospital to make an appointment for the exam.
Yesterday, under my door, I found a tiny valentine\'s day notice, signed by the staff of the building; everybody got one, but still a nice touch.
this rust belt town has a thousand people more than my home town, and is still under eight thousand people, but there\'s a big difference between the two. there\'s even an ex-church up the street from where i live that has concerts, plays, and comedy shows. I\'m going to finally see one, this month, for ten dollars; if i can afford it, will become a monthly regular.
\"Goofy\", my cat, is getting along better with me, now that he is the only cat---though he still hissed a couple times when I tried to pick him up, probably out of fear, of any trip to vet.
No colon cancer for you. Keep eating those tomatoes and getting your exercise.
Sry Goofy does not love you more!
Our new kitten is a little schizophrenic with her affections. If I try to pick her up she will bite and claw me. But if she is in the mood for some snuggles she will curl up in my lap and I can do anything with her.
I think whoever fostered her played rough with her.
I tend to socialize more from my desk too. It\'s just easier. But I am happy you are getting out more. Maybe some of those church activities will be free?
About the crude remarks... I do not like that sort of thing either.
One thing for sure though is you are much better off now than in that other awful place!
This new place sounds like a nice improvement compared to your last place.
The valentine note is a nice thing.
I know it is easy to get comfortable communicating with people via Internet rather than in person.
I\'ve been going out more to socialize and it has taken me a while to adjust being around people after being so reclusive. I still find it exhausting. Lol and prefer the quiet of my home. So I know what you mean.
Wherever you go you are going to meet people who maybe a little unsavory. I don\'t like crass and crude jokes either. I\'m ok with mild saucy humor shared with a good friend but certainly not With someone I don\'t know. It\'s really awkward and uncomfortable. Especially if it\'s a guy. Ugh.
Man your \"friend\". Sounds like a piece of work. It\'s true you cant \"save\" people, the \"female\". Hopefully she will see she\'s worth more and deserves better and gets out. You did a nice thing for her.
Many years ago I lived next door to a couple a long time ago. I use to hear yelling and then I noticed his choice of words and he was verbally abusive and called her terrible names. I\'m not sure if he was physically abusive. It would make me very anxious though when I heard the yelling.
I was afraid to say anything to the guy. but I did talk to her one day offered kindness and let her know that she didn\'t have to put up with that and she deserved better. I basically suggested that she got out. They weren\'t married. I can\'t remember what happened with them.
I love that there\'s some kind of arts and entertainment in your area. Very cool. And you\'ve got a cat. Hopefully he will settle down and not be hissy with you.
And it\'s not being selfish putting your health above other things. You come first when it comes to health. Try not to procrastinate too much longer before going for the test. These screening procedures save lives. They suggest a colonoscopy to anyone over 50 now. I am sure you\'ll be ok. Results will be fine.
a late thanks, TroJanThunder,
next week to take the bus to hospital to make appointment for exam in person.
yesterday started back on mostly salads, BECAUSE saw ducks in frozen lake and figured i could throw some leftovers to them---though ducks didn\'t get up; from a distance they almost looked like puppies, or rocks.
your kitten and my cat; my cat hisses to be picked up, and jumps off the bed when i toss and turn---but he keeps on jumping back onto the bed seconds after i change my position, including having to lay bunched up against me.
even the local fire company has shows, with a comedy show i missed, though it was 18 dollars to see it.
thanks too, Naturegirl65
there are enough domestic cases in my hometown newspaper police log for the new town i live in; besides the poverty and dysfunctional parents, enough of the women in this area are redneck woman (as the great country song goes), with some of them giving as good as they get.
\"that\'s how we were brought up\", two decades ago a woman said to her sister, when i was in their house, when she was saying how she hit her young daughter for whatever reason.
My friend (i guess i\'m stuck calling him that) is an alpha male type, who definately has had lots of girlfriends, dates, male friends, with him even talking of women he turned down cause they werent up to his standards!