Nightmares (as in dreams)
30 Dec 12 5:35am (wish this was a scared face but they're not available)
Just woke from my second horrible nightmare. I have bad dreams every single night. Many dreams. Some are so awful, I"m unnerved. Some I feel like I can't breath then wake to find that yes, indeed, I can't breath! (that was two night ago and a really scary one! I literally couldn't take a breath).
Tonight it was just a huge mess - I won't bore you with the details (my husband is always annoyed when I tell him about them). But the gist of it is that people I loved got killed and hurt because I wouldn't do something unnatural/embarrassing to me (silly almost - I wouldn't go pee in public while men ogled me). I just COULDN'T! Matt was part of the mean, heartless beings.
Which, hmm, is maybe why he doesn't want to hear about them and also why he's there. I figure I get hurt when he's so dismissive of these really bad dreams. I tell him maybe one in a hundred or thousand - only when I really need someone. He just demeans me - basically thinks I'm a baby. I pray for him to have a nightmare he remembers for a while, to give him a little empathy. But I think most folks forget their dreams and/or nightmares fairly quickly. Certainly within a day or even a few hours. I remember mine for a long, long time. Months, years, forever? I wish I didn't.
But most nights (and days) I'm scared and have no one to turn to. It just sucks to wake from these vivid dreams. They're so REAL, so lifelike, I sometimes can't remember which is a dream and which are memories. It screws with my head.
Does anyone else have so many detailed, vivid, REAL dreams? I hate it. I've always had this problem- since I was old enough to talk, I dreamt. Some of scary, anxious, painful, agonizing things. Some are of other worlds. Some of everyday conversations and disagreements. They all stick with me. But honestly, the good dreams are even worse. It KILLS me to wake up from them. From being loved for who I am and surrounded by people I love and respect in return. To belong and be understood. Then the cold reality of life takes over.
Yep, I'd rather tremble from a nightmare than have a really good dream. And what does that say about me? Nothing good, I'm sure. Sad Nibs.
Just woke from my second horrible nightmare. I have bad dreams every single night. Many dreams. Some are so awful, I"m unnerved. Some I feel like I can't breath then wake to find that yes, indeed, I can't breath! (that was two night ago and a really scary one! I literally couldn't take a breath).
Tonight it was just a huge mess - I won't bore you with the details (my husband is always annoyed when I tell him about them). But the gist of it is that people I loved got killed and hurt because I wouldn't do something unnatural/embarrassing to me (silly almost - I wouldn't go pee in public while men ogled me). I just COULDN'T! Matt was part of the mean, heartless beings.
Which, hmm, is maybe why he doesn't want to hear about them and also why he's there. I figure I get hurt when he's so dismissive of these really bad dreams. I tell him maybe one in a hundred or thousand - only when I really need someone. He just demeans me - basically thinks I'm a baby. I pray for him to have a nightmare he remembers for a while, to give him a little empathy. But I think most folks forget their dreams and/or nightmares fairly quickly. Certainly within a day or even a few hours. I remember mine for a long, long time. Months, years, forever? I wish I didn't.
But most nights (and days) I'm scared and have no one to turn to. It just sucks to wake from these vivid dreams. They're so REAL, so lifelike, I sometimes can't remember which is a dream and which are memories. It screws with my head.
Does anyone else have so many detailed, vivid, REAL dreams? I hate it. I've always had this problem- since I was old enough to talk, I dreamt. Some of scary, anxious, painful, agonizing things. Some are of other worlds. Some of everyday conversations and disagreements. They all stick with me. But honestly, the good dreams are even worse. It KILLS me to wake up from them. From being loved for who I am and surrounded by people I love and respect in return. To belong and be understood. Then the cold reality of life takes over.
Yep, I'd rather tremble from a nightmare than have a really good dream. And what does that say about me? Nothing good, I'm sure. Sad Nibs.
Replies
It says you are human..lol..
used to happen more before my anti seizure medicine. I remember one dream I had as a kid still to this day because it scared me, my family and I were driving on a very, very, very long bridge that seemed like we were floating on top of the water, and I was petrified, and then bridge started to move then broke and we fell into the water... I could see the ocean and the boats, it was very real. The cold water, the fog and even the smell of the ocean, I told my family and they said they don\'t build bridges over the ocean. A few weeks later we went to San Francisco and drove over the Bay Bridge...I screamed all the way across the bridge telling them see this is the bridge, get off the bridge we\'re going to die, I was a complete mess by the time I got off that bridge. My family thought I was nuts. But I told them, that was the bridge in my dream. That was my first trip to SF never heard of the Bay Bridge before or saw it before. Would have dreams like that all the time, I just learned not to say anything...I still dream when people are pregnant and I also know when someone close to me is going to pass.
I had a neurologist once who I told him about these dreams and he said some people once believed that when you had a seizure you were actually time traveling. Maybe that is why they seemed so real. Needless to say I no longer see him...
Anyway it must be neurological because, like I said once I started the Topamax the really vivid dreams stopped. So did the seizures..
You could probably write a book by writing down one of these dreams...
JK Rowling wrote a few a books, she started by sitting in a bar and started daydreaming and wrote it on a napkin.....you just might have a great novel there, and you write beautiful..so go for it..
You CA friend Cheryl
I have vivid dreams all the time. Usually violent. My wife told me I beat the crap out of the wall. My hands not sore but the little knuckle is cut. Plus, I swear horribly out loud. I always had dreams. Many I remember. Only since having Parkinson\'s are they all violent and very vivid colors. I take medicine from my neurologist now. My wife was concerned about getting hit.
I think that\'s an excellent idea about writing a book. Right up your alley, plus get paid. Wish you well Nibs. Brian
Nibs, I woke myself punching in the air.(2:30) Rare that I wake up while I\'m punching. I must say I have a pretty good left hook and over hand right. lol But I was at my old work place. It was so real, Names, faces. The machinery. Vivid colors. I keep thing in my dream I not suppose to be here, because the company would report my taxes and that would hurt my social security. Know I now when I talking out loud. It\'s like my voice is very weak and I can hardy pronounce the words with a thick tongue. The only good thing is. I haven\'t lost a fight yet, Hey it\'s my dream. lol. Take care Nibs, and give that writing a book some serious thought. I think you would be exceptional at it. Brian
Hey,
Thank you both so much! You\'re my rocks. I feel like such a freak for dreaming too much too often too vividly. I also remember bad dreams - even some from 40 years ago!
At one point I read to start a dream journal, which I did for about 6 months. The only problem was that instead of giving me the power to direct my dreams (my desired outcome), it just make it easier for me to remember! Go figure. Maybe I\'ll try again tho.
Even as a child, I remember kicking and punching in my dreams. Of course, I had good reason to do so even when awake. I don\'t kick much anymore but I make fists, like I\'m ready to fight. My husband teases me about it. I just warn him to be careful if he somehow gets near me while I\'m spazzing out - I would probably hit him!
Poor you, Brian. That must suck to have your wife afraid. Matt sometimes thinks I\'m crazy but I don\'t think he\'s afraid of me (well, not while I\'m asleep - awake? That\'s a whole other story!). But it must be satisfying that you win all the fights!
Cheryl: do you still get the shivers going over salt water bridges? And they do have bridges over the oceans! Think the Florida Keys for a start.
Ta, once again you\'re my hero\'s coming to let me know I\'m not too nuts, aye? Love, Nibs
Oh, weird but I\'ve been thinking a lot of writing a book about living with a body that doesn\'t LISTEN to you! I call being really down, in pain, etc. IN THE PIT. Like I\'m so deep and the sides are so steep, I can\'t climb out. I even thought of naming the book that!
How cool, you both gave that feedback. Maybe I could help someone, somewhere... that would be a wonderful legacy. Nibs :)