Night out

Went out with good friends, my daughter and her boyfriend last night for my godchild's fiances birthday.  Had a really good time, very comforting to be with these people who my husband and I've known forever, but I felt like he was there but not there all night.  He was on my mind the whole time, missing him so much.  Then this morning I was non stop waterworks.  Sitting at the dining room table just thinking ... Why?  Why him?  Why us?  Why my children?  Why me?  I guess I'm still in the nonacceptance stage.  My mind goes in circles sometimes.  Then the mail comes and I get the proof for his headstone.  Boy how much pain can a person take.  A lot of times its never just one thing that sets me off, it's a whole bunch of little zingers.  There's such a hole in my heart and my life.  I miss him so much.