nice Saturday..bad Sunday...worse Monday

my original post just got wiped out...yep....my luck right! anyway... Saturday April 12, 2008 was a such a nice day....best in the past 6 months i would say. i took a morning walk, worked out, played my guitar, went to church with my girlfriend and spent the evening with our friends! i was feeling so good that during church i said to myself "i'm back"! it felt good to be me again :)  but.... on Sunday i was anxious most of the day...on Monday i was a wreak! what happened? how could i have Saturday be so nice then Monday be so bad? the week before i felt things were looking up.....i was slowly feeling a bit better. now i'm back in the black pit again  :( it's 7PM now and i feel OK...but just a few hours ago i was a freakin mess! crying and hopeless about this stupid financial situation i find myself in currently. i keep beating myself up about one dumb decision! my problem is that i don't know when i will get better. everyone keeps telling me in a couple of years this won't matter....but i can't live like this for that long! i have to heal myself long before the problem is over....this will make me a stronger person in the end! i made my first ever therapist appointment for Thursday. i'm interested in what she has to say. ultimately i know that i have to heal myself! others can lead me to the path but the path has a gate. everyone has their own key to that gate. i can see the path...i just need to find my key! i'm so grateful for so many things! God is with me! my loving girfriend, parents, family and friends! i have a job and a home. this site and the friends i have met since February 2008 has been awesome!  i must allow myself to heal....my mind is so tired. everything suffers with this. my job, my relationship with my girlfriend. i know i'm stressing my girlfriend and parents out right now. that is just wrong....i feel so selfish. i have talked my parents through tough times...they are still having a tough time but things are so much better plus they had possibly really good news today! i am getting close to being better...i will bring myself back! then when this stupid situation is finally over (unfortunatly a couple of years at least) i hope to look back on this dark time as a lesson and a learning experience. i guess you can't truly know happiness until you know misery. God help and bless us all :)