next week it will be 5 years.what will I do?

Next Thursday it will be 5 years that my Bradley had died.It was a very gruesome scene.Brad and I were having problems like most couples do..but why did he take his life? I feel bad about it everyday.I still cry.May is a hard month for me.It was the month that my late grandmother was born...Brad dying and my fathers birthday.These birthdays and anniversaries are depressing me.I miss these people.I miss Brad and I wish he was here.I try to forget about it..but i can t and the grief therapy is not helping me.Cant anyone see that I am still in mourning?Cant anyone see that I am still in pain? Who do i talk to? Noone in Seattle listens.It is hard to make friends here.They are either texting or on there cell phones here.Or the men are either discussing Microsoft or some stupid sports game.My grief is growing.But Daily Strength is helpiing me and I intend to write everyday and take the advice of the great people who are on it.Thanks.