newly widowed

hello I'm newly widowed after 18yrs of marriage lost my husband very suddenly and I'm left for 4 Childern to care for on my own I never thought I would be a window at the age of 37 but here I am scared and alone without my best friend does this pain ever go away. everyone says still strong for the kids but it is so hard I try not to cry to much and go out w the kids every chance I get I know he isn't coming back but I still want him back so bad