New Years Eve 12/31/3013
Saying goodbye to 2013 will be a good thing. Actually the year wasn't too bad until after August then it's like my world came crashing down. I guess that is just how life is. It's like a box of chocolates. I'm allergic to peanuts and so far all of my chocolates have had peanuts in them! God willing I'll find some chocolates with caramel or a cherry or something good!
Last night around 2am the chronic pain kicked in but I didn't take any meds and was able to fall back to sleep. So far this morning the chronic pain has been mild but of course still there waiting for the next attack.
Mentally I'm a bit down compared to the last couple of days. The chronic pain has a lot to do with my mental downdraft but I'm still doing "ok" and I feel I am still thinking clearly for the most part.
I didn't want to get up today but that's nothing new. It's more fear of the next pain flairup rather then anxiety that was keeping me in bed so I guess that's a good thing in a sad way.
I would like to make a new years resolution of getting rid of chronic pain but sadly that is completely out of my hands. I can only pray that God allows this pain to lift.
My actual new years resolution will be to keep up with my doc, therapist and meds. Also, to keep up with journaling and doing my best to help my family and friends. Working on getting out more even if it's just for an hour. I can't just stay home 24/7. I know it's a bad thing.
I know I need to be more social. This chronic pain makes it more difficult because I fear a flairup. Also, wearing jeans even though they are loose seem to restrict and aggrevate.
Broken record but I swear if I can break free of this chronic pain I can really start to live again! I feel like I'm flying a plane circleing the airport. My life is at the end of the runway but I need the chronic pain to lift before I can get permission from the terminal to land.
I shouldn't let this thing affect my life so much but sadly it does. Is it getting better? I don't know. If it is the difference is too minor to tell. I haven't had a full pain free day since this all started.
Is it better then the very beginning...I guess. Whatever.
So I have to go to the grocery store and bank. It's so damn cold and cloudy and dark out but it's something I have to do. I'll feel better being out it's just getting myself together. I pray the pain doesn't act up while I'm out.
9am...let's just do this.
Last night around 2am the chronic pain kicked in but I didn't take any meds and was able to fall back to sleep. So far this morning the chronic pain has been mild but of course still there waiting for the next attack.
Mentally I'm a bit down compared to the last couple of days. The chronic pain has a lot to do with my mental downdraft but I'm still doing "ok" and I feel I am still thinking clearly for the most part.
I didn't want to get up today but that's nothing new. It's more fear of the next pain flairup rather then anxiety that was keeping me in bed so I guess that's a good thing in a sad way.
I would like to make a new years resolution of getting rid of chronic pain but sadly that is completely out of my hands. I can only pray that God allows this pain to lift.
My actual new years resolution will be to keep up with my doc, therapist and meds. Also, to keep up with journaling and doing my best to help my family and friends. Working on getting out more even if it's just for an hour. I can't just stay home 24/7. I know it's a bad thing.
I know I need to be more social. This chronic pain makes it more difficult because I fear a flairup. Also, wearing jeans even though they are loose seem to restrict and aggrevate.
Broken record but I swear if I can break free of this chronic pain I can really start to live again! I feel like I'm flying a plane circleing the airport. My life is at the end of the runway but I need the chronic pain to lift before I can get permission from the terminal to land.
I shouldn't let this thing affect my life so much but sadly it does. Is it getting better? I don't know. If it is the difference is too minor to tell. I haven't had a full pain free day since this all started.
Is it better then the very beginning...I guess. Whatever.
So I have to go to the grocery store and bank. It's so damn cold and cloudy and dark out but it's something I have to do. I'll feel better being out it's just getting myself together. I pray the pain doesn't act up while I'm out.
9am...let's just do this.
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