New years Eve
Well here I sit in the recliner staring out the rainstreaked window contemplating the new year to come.
I havent been journalling much lately.....havent had the strength. I have my third chest cold in three months and with my lungs being what they are it has just knocked the stuffing out of me.
I was feeling so bad yesterday that I called my dr and they had me come in (saw the other doc in the office) She listened to my lungs and sent me to the ER....my doc was working there. So the long and short of it.....my O2 sats were so low that the were going to admit me but my doc didnt really want me in "germ central" so they set me up with home O2 with the condition that if I felt worse I was to come right back in
So here I sit hooked up to my new friend and I feel much more with it than I have in a while, everyone kept asking me how I managed before and i kept saying well what other choice did I have and I didnt think it was that bad until I could breathe again.
so back to my contemplating.....what will this year bring? Will this new med help or am I on the downward spiral to the transplant? and what will that bring?
I seem to have reconciled myself to the fact that I will have a shorter life than i expected, I have made my peace with my kids and they know how precious they are. I have not given up, I will not go with fighting for every last breath. i have just accepted that it is out of my hands and someone else is driving the bus. I am hoping for a long trip....LOL
I imagine that this new wrinkle is going to curtail my social life somewhat.....I have a couple small tanks that I can go out with....and I will most likely be fine once sitting somewhere and not moving around i could shut it off, but it will be something to get used to and now i need to apply for a handicap sticker for the car, i wasnt willing to do that yet (makes me feel old somehow) and I didnt want to give in to anything that made me feel ill. Oh well, at least if I go somewhere by myself I wont have to walk to far.....I was getting used to hubby chauferring me, but he does have to work and get away from me sometimes and me away from him......LOL
I guess thats it for contemplation for now.....i think I will go read another book ad escape the rainy day
I havent been journalling much lately.....havent had the strength. I have my third chest cold in three months and with my lungs being what they are it has just knocked the stuffing out of me.
I was feeling so bad yesterday that I called my dr and they had me come in (saw the other doc in the office) She listened to my lungs and sent me to the ER....my doc was working there. So the long and short of it.....my O2 sats were so low that the were going to admit me but my doc didnt really want me in "germ central" so they set me up with home O2 with the condition that if I felt worse I was to come right back in
So here I sit hooked up to my new friend and I feel much more with it than I have in a while, everyone kept asking me how I managed before and i kept saying well what other choice did I have and I didnt think it was that bad until I could breathe again.
so back to my contemplating.....what will this year bring? Will this new med help or am I on the downward spiral to the transplant? and what will that bring?
I seem to have reconciled myself to the fact that I will have a shorter life than i expected, I have made my peace with my kids and they know how precious they are. I have not given up, I will not go with fighting for every last breath. i have just accepted that it is out of my hands and someone else is driving the bus. I am hoping for a long trip....LOL
I imagine that this new wrinkle is going to curtail my social life somewhat.....I have a couple small tanks that I can go out with....and I will most likely be fine once sitting somewhere and not moving around i could shut it off, but it will be something to get used to and now i need to apply for a handicap sticker for the car, i wasnt willing to do that yet (makes me feel old somehow) and I didnt want to give in to anything that made me feel ill. Oh well, at least if I go somewhere by myself I wont have to walk to far.....I was getting used to hubby chauferring me, but he does have to work and get away from me sometimes and me away from him......LOL
I guess thats it for contemplation for now.....i think I will go read another book ad escape the rainy day
Replies
You write so well of how you feel..how the future looks and your determination. Fight until the very last breath..NEVER give up. You are an inspiraton...I wish you health and happinness in 2011..............
I am with you with coming to that understanding about the shorter life than expected. And I am with you about the bus driver. And the fight. It\'s not giving up to find some kind of peace.
I am glad you got the 02. I am hoping that will make you feel better over all for a while.
Take care and know that I am thinking about you and wishing you the best!
Prayers, Positive Energy and Love to you!
I am sending you BLESSINGS overflowing-Happy New Year to you and yours. God Bless, Love, Jean
Let it go, that was the best thing you could do. I believe this new med will work and you will be feeling better in no time. Sorry, just read a really great article on visualization and prayer; that was mine for you. If you get bored check out kajama.com, I think you would like that site. I go back to it for the articles. Some of it is weird but that can be a fun and interesting diversion.
My therapist always said to do what you can do and let the rest go.
This can be very freeing, the very few times I\'ve actually accomplished this.
I\'m glad you got the O2 and are enjoying all the benefits oxygen brings the body.
Take good care. XOXO Teisha