new years eve

Well its new years eve. I am happy to be home but feeling depressed. I haven't truly been alone, meaning no relationship for like 12 years. It feels weird, odd, and just not right. I really struggle if I am meant to fight or let go. He made this choice over something I did. Long story short I left christmas at his family house abrupt and with attitude. So because of that he totally ended it all. We are having struggles trying to work on it. Maybe it's a loss cause. Maybe it's not meant to be. 
I just feel so sad about it. I feel scared and so very alone. 
So new years eve......home with my kids. That's it. We will ake sub sandwiches,  watch movies, and have cupcakes later. I bought cupcakes. Happy New Year cupcakes. 
Well year started rough and year is ending rough:(