I have been on this site for about a month and have met some nice people, and I appreciate them very much, however I think I wa putting the wrong kind of information in my journal, or putting it in the wrong way, so I decide to erase the old and start with the new. I am an alchoholic and have depression. The alchoholism has been for a long time, I couldn't say when I first figured out I was an alchoholic, The depression is about 4 years old, or that is about the amount of time Ive been on medication. In June 2005 the company I was a supervisor for decided they didn't need me any more and gave me a 2 year severence package. What a great opportunity to get practiced up on my drinking, no job and still getting paid. Well I praticed hard. On the evening of April 16, 2006 I got a stomach ache, I thought gas or somethng, but the pain persisted through the nigh (of course I thought maybe more beer would help and I continued drinking). About 7:00 AM on the 17th I couldn't stand it any more. My wife took me to the hospital, where I was diagnosed with panreatitus, I was bleeding internally. After that I became pretty much comatose, of course not before I had to admit to the Doctor and my wife how much I was drinking which was soooooo humiliating. Anyway I almost died but an excellent team of Doctors kept me around. I have not had a drink or a smoke since, but all of this has certainly taken it's toll. I became very depressed for a long time, my wfe had pretty much given up on me, cause by this time I'm finding out I'm not God's gift to the work force and jobs are not coming so easily. The old depression really kicked in, my wife continually complaining that I'm not doing anything and I am feeling more and more worthless. It takes a long time to get through this stuff and I am still going through it, but it's starting to get better. If anybody out there has any and I mean any questions about going through what I have I will be more than happy to tell you anything about my experience. Some of the people on this site have helped me a lot and my profound appreciation goes to them. Just remember you won't get better unless you can talk to somebody about your problem. I am here!!!!!!!