New Rings and a New Beginning
Saturday, my H and I went to pick out new rings after talking about the hurt that I felt from earlier in the week. He wanted me to start wearing it again but I told him that mine reminded me of his betrayal along with all of the years of good. His reminds me that he didn't keep his promise. So, we decided that new rings was what was needed to start a new beginning in our marriage. A new level of communication between us. A new promise to not let this happen again. They should be back from the jewelers (being sized) by our anniversary. Wow, 16 years! December 17 is going to be really hard but he has told me that he has plans for our anniversary. I feel a little better about our relationship. He truly seems to be making an effort to understand the pain I am in and how I feel about things. I am making the effort to show him more affection and we are having sex more now that I have changed my hormone replacement therepy and understand what he was missing in our marriage. Hysterectomies can sometimes be hell on a person and a relationship. I would not go back and undo that surgery for the world. I won't go back through the pain that I had for the 2 years before it. It was Hell! All of our deep discussions have narrowed it down to my hysterectomy as to when changes started in our relationship. But it also didn't help that we had a neighbor that I became very good friends with and that I talked to about things. She saw an opportunity to destroy our marriage and she proceeded to do everything she could to entice him while trying to destroy my feelings for him. I wonder how she feels now! She didn't succeed in her quest. She didn't get him. I did! I guess she wanted the life that I had with my husband and children. Other than that, I don't know what her reasons where. I haven't chosen to confront her in person, email or phone. WE chose to break all contact with her. She lied to my face so what else would she say to me, if given the opportunity. My H has already admitted things she told him about me, things I said about our relationship, how I felt at times (the lack of appreciation and the death of my grandmother - feeling alone) and how things progressed before and during the affair. They fit the timeline of things that I had talked to her about and she in turn used them to get him. The lying, back-stabbing, skanky BITCH!!!! With friends like her, I did not need enemies! Well, she is the loser now. I really hate to admit this but his affair with her has managed to bring us closer together and has reopened our communications with each other. Definately not what she wanted! The brutal honesty and feelings between us has helped me to heal some, but I do have days of pain still. I will always wonder WHY...he can never give me an answer that will satisify that question. I understand that now. The affair cannot be forgotten, but I think it has renewed us as a couple. Don't misunderstand me - I don't approve of the affair but I have forgiven him of it. I hope that my heart will never be broken by him again. I am slowly learning to trust him some. I have to remember to talk to him about what hurts me and my feelings. He is doing the same now. If something is done or not done, I need to tell him or he tells me. We are not mind-readers. We have to remember that. He also doesn't take hints well, but he is trying. We plan to renew our vows next year and take a short trip. He is planning that one. It is too soon to do that now but the rings we are doing for this anniversary. I want a new start with him. I want our marriage to work. I want to grow old with him. He has said the same to me. Keeping hope alive!