New life philosophy
I have this new philosophy that has been slowly solidifying lately: Everyone is responsible for themselves.
That means that no matter what happens, no matter the pain you are in, no matter what is going on in your life, it is your problem. Noone NOONE is responsible for your life but you, not god, not your higher self, not your spouse or family. Your life and how you live it is your choice, your responsibility.
When you are sad, that someone didn't do what you wanted them to, it's not their problem. You cannot force someone else to fix your responsibility. You only have control over your own actions. Now you can make your case known, you can make a plea for help, but if they don't change then you DO NOT have the right to be upset with them. Because you only have control over you. Your feelings are your own problem not anyone else's.
Your baggage, your desires and needs, are YOURS, yours to figure out, yours to solve.
And the same is said for anyone else. Other people's emotions, desires, needs are not your problem. Now they can make a plea, you can choose to be compassionate and helpful, but it's not your responsibility to fix them. And this applies for EVERYONE that is not you.
At the end of the day, you are alone, and it is your job to take care of you. Noone else. (Unless you're a parent of course)
Replies
I have a hard time really wrapping my mind around this sometimes, sometimes it feels like an excuse to cause someone pain cuz "not my problem".
But I think for the right kind of person, the kind that is usually empathetic and willing to give their kidney for someone in need, it's a blessing. "Not my problem" gives you a release from expectations you place on yourself. It gives you an excuse to place and maintain your boundaries.
Plus, if everything you receive is unexpected, then you can be more greatful for every kindness you do receive.
And if you recognize that someone else's anger, doesn't belong to you but them, you can give them compassion without letting them steal your energy. And what they are putting out for you, is not your responsibility to pick up, your only responsibility is to you.
Yes, to an extent. If someone hurts you you can say they caused your pain. But, ultimately you and only you really can deal with it. And at some point, especially after apologies and understanding Is offered and shared, the ownership of that pain and nurturing of it becomes ones own responsibility or fault. Though putting it as “your own fault” as some point doesn’t sound quite right or universal, I really think sometimes it is the case.