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I have not written in this journal for a while now. So I think it's time I updated it. Honestly, I think I am going to have an anxiety attack every time I come on DS. It breaks my heart when I hear of another DS lady going through MC and still struggling with infertility. The other day I think it was about two days ago, one of my friends on DS is friends with another women who just went through still birth in July. Like a fool I read her story and balled my eyes out. I was trying to hide it from my husband but I couldn't hold it any longer. I went up stairs and took a shower. I just cried the whole time. I had my MC in January of "09", I am pregnant now but it is still a fresh wound. I don't know if you ever really get over it. I hate it when people tell me, "it's OK, you will get over it". That is so not true! I am super nervous as I have my first OB appt with my regular OB-GYN tomorrow. I have not seen him since the D&C in January. To be back there and in that same room with the US machine where I had to hear the worst news of my life will be extremely difficult. I hope I don't have a nervous break down when I'm there. We are now a little over 13wks pregnant with twins. I love them but I don't feel attached to them yet. I don't know why. Maybe I am trying to keep my distance in case some thing happens. I am so nervous you don't even know. I just hope everything turns out OK with this pregnancy. Thanks for letting me express my fears. I pray everyday for each and every one of you! Lot's of love and baby dust! xoxo
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Oh Amanda it doesnt go away. I still miss our first baby so much. I understand how you feel about the OB appointment. When I went last week, I seriously thought I was going to hyperventalate. I was a nervous wreck. I hadnt seen my OB since my D&C four months ago. I was shaking so bad when he came into the room. I know everything is fine with your babies. We are going all the way this time! Try to stay away from the sad stories right now. Our emotions cant handle it. My OB actually told me this. I was watching Special Delivery on TV and it was sad and DH got mad and told me to turn it off Drs orders :). Hang in there friend! We are basically in the 2nd trimester. Can you believe it??? xoxo
Oh Amber, how I love you! You don\'t even know! Thanks for being positive and snappin me out of it. I will let you know how tomorrow goes! Hey, I heard this song from Leona Lewis take a listen... I think you will relate!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJrJXcvykjc
OMG Woman you had me crying! That song really says it all doesnt it?! Thats how I felt after my loss when I had to fight to get back up and try again. Outsiders didnt get how I could try so soon...b/c I needed to be happy and take that risk. Ultimately I want to be a mommy. And I am so fighting for this pregnancy and these babies. Look God gave us both a double blessing :). We need to take this blessing and run with it!
Hang in there girl. Your appointment will be mine. It is kinda nice to get away from the making the baby doctor to being just a normal pregnant person. Where no one knows what you did to get there. :) Hope all goes well.
I agree with you that that hurt never goes away. It\'s alwasy something small that snaps it right back but perhaps not the raw and searing pain originally gone through. I can comepltely relate about going back because I went back to my OB office for hte first time last month and I was so nervous but you know what the anticipation was much worse than the experience. I am so excited for you. Your little ones are 13 weeks and counting. Just keep praying and staying positive momma and they will be here before you know it. Don\'t let yesterdays pain and disappointment make you miss today\'s joys and success. Celebrate honey you are 13 weeks pregnant with twins. I\'m so happy for you. XO :)
Thanks Jenn, you made me cry. I don\'t know why but I am constantly crying. Hormones!?! I am always thinking of you and I pray for you every night. Your time is near, I just know it. Light a candle tonight for your angel baby. :) xoxo
I totally agree with you. Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited and I am but I feel detatched too. I am so nervous. I still miss my angel and it has been almost 2 years since my m/c. I went to my OB 2 weeks ago and sat in the same place where we found out the bad news. I about had a panic attack until the tech said everything was ok and we heard that good heartbeat 173. My baby will be born right around the time that my other baby would have been. It is bitter sweet. I have gotten where I just try to check on my close friends on here bc I do not want to hear lots of bad news. I will be praying for your little ones and you.
I understand. I have had four MCs. Last one was July 08. I am currently 7 months pregnant. I have a hard time believing it. I have just starting doing a registry. I have not cleaned out or painted the baby\'s room. I cannot even pick a name in fear that it could all disappear in a blink of an eye. I am so happy and pray that this is finally it for me. I am trying to remain positive. We just need to just take it day by day and love the moment we are in.