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I have not written in this journal for a while now.  So I think it's time I updated it.  Honestly, I think I am going to have an anxiety attack every time I come on DS.  It breaks my heart when I hear of another DS lady going through MC and still struggling with infertility.  The other day I think it was about two days ago, one of my friends on DS is friends with another women who just went through still birth in July.  Like a fool I read her story and balled my eyes out.  I was trying to hide it from my husband but I couldn't hold it any longer.  I went up stairs and took a shower.  I just cried the whole time.  I had my MC in January of "09", I am pregnant now but it is still a fresh wound.  I don't know if you ever really get over it.  I hate it when people tell me, "it's OK, you will get over it".  That is so not true!   I am super nervous as I have my first OB appt with my regular OB-GYN tomorrow.  I have not seen him since the D&C in January.  To be back there and in that same room with the US machine where I had to hear the worst news of my life will be extremely difficult.  I hope I don't have a nervous break down when I'm there. We are now a little over 13wks pregnant with twins.  I love them but I don't feel attached to them yet.  I don't know why.  Maybe I am trying to keep my distance in case some thing happens.  I am so nervous you don't even know.  I just hope everything turns out OK with this pregnancy.  Thanks for letting me express my fears.  I pray everyday for each and every one of you!  Lot's of love and baby dust!  xoxo