New emotion today
I came from divorced parents. My mother cheated on my dad when I was 13. I remember the divorce, the arguing and I remember how it affected my Dad.
I remember thinking it was not fair that my mom did something wrong and my dad had to move out.
I hated the other man. He moved in with us only a few month later. I intentionally took out all my hate on that guy. When he was gone I turned my resentment to my mother.
I'm 44 years old and I still hold some of that resentment today. I have since forgiven and I don't think about it much anymore but the hurt is still there.
So today I started to feel sorry for her. She doesn't care what I think but she has to care what her son thinks. He is disappointed in her and ashamed. She has hurt his Dad and has left them for 3 weeks during the very height of pain to be with another man. They will never forget that.
She sent a text to my youngest that she was bringing him back something. My oldest was upset by this. He doesn't want any presents from her little vacation time. It disgusts me to think she can buy them off.
My oldest is 15. He is not stupid and will remember this his whole life. I think I should have hidden this from him and maybe I should have. But its not right what she is doing and he has figured most of it out on his own.
I told him this morning that I love him and his mother loves him. But he does not have to love what she is doing and has done. That she needs to ask for forgiveness for what she has done.
I think about how great my kids are and the thought of hurting them is foreign to me. I would rather die than put them through this pain. I never knew that selfishness had such bounds. Its amazing.
I promise to dedicate my time to my boys more so than ever. I promise to never let them down like she has. I promise to be a shoulder to cry on for them forever till my dying day.
I'm so confused on how to console my son. I don't remember what would have made me feel better at the time.
So to stay in my theme for the title of this entry. Pity is what I feel for her now. Not for the eventual crash and burn of her exit affair. But for the new relationship with her son that she does not even know she has. For the years it will take for her to ever be seen in the same light as before. She does not comprehend the amount of work it will take for her to be forgiven by him. And eventually even though it wont have the same impact, my oldest will tell the youngest. He will have a moment when he remembers all this and will understand what happened. The pain for him will not be as sharp but he will wonder why and have no answers like I do.
I remember thinking it was not fair that my mom did something wrong and my dad had to move out.
I hated the other man. He moved in with us only a few month later. I intentionally took out all my hate on that guy. When he was gone I turned my resentment to my mother.
I'm 44 years old and I still hold some of that resentment today. I have since forgiven and I don't think about it much anymore but the hurt is still there.
So today I started to feel sorry for her. She doesn't care what I think but she has to care what her son thinks. He is disappointed in her and ashamed. She has hurt his Dad and has left them for 3 weeks during the very height of pain to be with another man. They will never forget that.
She sent a text to my youngest that she was bringing him back something. My oldest was upset by this. He doesn't want any presents from her little vacation time. It disgusts me to think she can buy them off.
My oldest is 15. He is not stupid and will remember this his whole life. I think I should have hidden this from him and maybe I should have. But its not right what she is doing and he has figured most of it out on his own.
I told him this morning that I love him and his mother loves him. But he does not have to love what she is doing and has done. That she needs to ask for forgiveness for what she has done.
I think about how great my kids are and the thought of hurting them is foreign to me. I would rather die than put them through this pain. I never knew that selfishness had such bounds. Its amazing.
I promise to dedicate my time to my boys more so than ever. I promise to never let them down like she has. I promise to be a shoulder to cry on for them forever till my dying day.
I'm so confused on how to console my son. I don't remember what would have made me feel better at the time.
So to stay in my theme for the title of this entry. Pity is what I feel for her now. Not for the eventual crash and burn of her exit affair. But for the new relationship with her son that she does not even know she has. For the years it will take for her to ever be seen in the same light as before. She does not comprehend the amount of work it will take for her to be forgiven by him. And eventually even though it wont have the same impact, my oldest will tell the youngest. He will have a moment when he remembers all this and will understand what happened. The pain for him will not be as sharp but he will wonder why and have no answers like I do.
Replies
This brought tears...it is painful when we think of our kids. I can only imagine what is going through your oldest\'s mind. I am positive it is painful as well. There is not right or wrong answer on how to explain the situation ot our children. It is all about just being there, to support and listen, to play and be silly, to be a parent. They will cherish that for life. They have been let down by one parent, now we get to be mom and dad at the same time and remind them that we will always be there to catch them when they need us the most.
My oldest is 7 years old. He told me the other day over dinner \"Mom, Santa is so magical. How about we write a letter to Santa and put it on the tree asking him to make sure he brings \"him\" back. I know Santa can do that mommy because he goes all over the world. Do you think \"he\" loves me? I know you miss him, I miss him too. But I can help you mommy. I can do the dishes after dinner\"..... Needless to say I was left in this frozen feeling and just actually anger inside. I just don\'t know how to explain that \"Hey son, well, sometimes things between adults do not go so great and he made a choice to leave us and enjoy someone new soooo no son, he will not be coming back\".
It\'s truly hard to explain, but we will get there. Little by little. Stay positive! They need you the most! :-)
Wow
Kids have a way of saying things that make you step back and wonder. Its hard to get into the mind of a child. You would think we would remember since we were one once. But you grow up and you obtain grown up problems and that innocence is gone forever.
My youngest kept thinking it would all stop and go back to normal. I had to take his bed apart because my ex is taking it with her. He came home and I tried to hide it from him and instead showed him some new beds we would get. He keeps his room clean and likes his room. I found him sitting in his room in the dark. He was upset that I had taken apart his bed to get ready to be moved to his moms new place. It broke my heart. I hated her so much at that moment. This is the stuff she is blocking out. The stuff we are all supposed to get over. She is not seeing this stuff yet.
I will get better and move on. My kids are her real family and they will suffer much longer. I know I did.
I read your post again. Man that hurts. Good thing is he is so young. They wont remember. My youngest brother was 6 when it happened and he doesn\'t remember. My parents being divorced is all he knows.