New day for me
Well it didnt take my brothers too long for them to convince my mum to leave me and return, as if one of my bros will be arriving...which he wont unless its a big holiday. It is my first day alone. And I am shaking my hands off and worried. I want her back, her company made me feel safe.
It has gotten worse, when i sat in a cafe and this guy kept on staring at me for half an hour, and winking me! Oh my God I am terrified, he is actaully the other side of the cafe, still looking at me and I am ignoring him. Oh My god please let this day end safely. Is the history repeating itself, he even followed me here in the first place! i think :S
if my mum was here she would have kicked his butt already
It has gotten worse, when i sat in a cafe and this guy kept on staring at me for half an hour, and winking me! Oh my God I am terrified, he is actaully the other side of the cafe, still looking at me and I am ignoring him. Oh My god please let this day end safely. Is the history repeating itself, he even followed me here in the first place! i think :S
if my mum was here she would have kicked his butt already
Replies
Eventhough it terrible being with you mum your also not used to being alone. Your mom was an abuser but unfortuantely looks like she became you safe person for you anxiety. Most people have them. A person who when there with even outside makes you feel secure. This paticular guy may have been staring and winking at you because he knew that he was getting to you. I would bet because you felt unsure you were looking back at him because of safety issues. Everyone wants to know where the person is who might harm us. I really don\'t think anything would have happened. If someone does or say\'s something inappropriate either get up and move or simply don\'t look at them. They like when you look at them. Some people do these things cause their just idiots. I thinking you are simply getting paranoid about this guy. You might want to read up or look up in your computer about codependency.
I think you alway had a guard most of time especially for the last few years that now you don\'t know how to figure out who is serious, who is not, Since there is no one there have you thought of going to a real therapist and actually talking about your past and learning to figure out the future and your self. Even self help groups for certain things such as rape, abuse, etc can help ou express yourself. This is how we all started out. Trying to figure out what was acceptable and what was not. What was real danger and what isnot. You have develped the fundamentals because you have never had to . I not sure what you can do and how much mum is watching. But if she isn\'t watching activites best to do these things. Also join a club that you with something you are interested in or would like to learn. This would allow you to at least talk to people and just be around and socialize. It can be surface friendship you don\'t have to tell every one or anyone about things you are going through. If your afraid of something it best to actually do them these things and little aby little conquer first small things you are afraid of. Your truama and your mum\'s selfish mean way of treating you will take a bit of searching to get through it. I did it. It is very alien and scraey. You will get used to the fact there are normal people today. Try to find one nice wonderful friend. Quality is so much more than quanity. Very slow and easy. Therapy and small class or group. Learn to just talk facet o face. I actually am doing this now because I have no been out very much because of my pain. I will probably take an art of craft class. The people in the class have similar issues as I do and hopefully this will be my first step to learning to socialize better so I can go on to being better at it and eventually hoefully get a friend. Are you in school or just traveling, now. You can still practice even if you are not in school. If this guy was to come up to you and ask for you phone number you would simply say no I am sorry I am not interested. If after that he continued to bother you that when you might need more help. Keep you cell phone with you at all times it will make you feel safe. I have been asked out by a couple women in my life. I don\'t think I give off any homosexual vibe, so don\'t let him get to you. There are people out there that know when they are making some one uncomfortable and they get off on bugging or irratating people. You most defefinitely have to as I said ignore people like that, if they stat to make you to uncomfortable you have the right to leave or tell them you calling the police. Police actually do want to help you so if anyone threatens you any manner or follows you etct You have alot persuation like with mother. Now I don\'t think there will be anyone following you. I just think that you over over paranoid because of you experiences. Soon you will learn to relax being alone. Every thing will get better, it will be scarey until you get a hang of it.