New Beginnings
My ED and her husband just had a baby girl! Born on May 4th and I am thrilled that she and my daughter are doing well. I would post a picture of the little baby girl if I could, but I have had difficulty in down loading pictures. I don't understand why the file size would be too large for one picture.
In any case, I have a precious little grandson who is two and now a little granddaughter, but they are not part of my life. My ED and SIL moved to Montana in August 2012 and are pretty much estranged from not only her family, but his as well. it seems that they can find no satisfaction with either.
Married in Dec 2009 in a beautiful wedding in the Smoky Mtns, TN...surrounded by family from both sides who adored and loved them both, they went on to find fault and created discord and animosity. From what I have come to accept is that both my ED and SIL were in happy and content family relationships UNTIL they joined together and then it seems that no one could satisfy them.
In any case, their famiies still love them and their precious little children, but just about any attempt to build bridges are utter failures.
I cannot write the story of what has conspired over the past 2.5 years since they married, but I can tell you that I would rather see my daughter married with a husband and two beautiful children EVEN if it meant I was kicked to the curb. They have each other and from all accounts they extremely happy...at least that is what they communicate.
The thing is LIFE will teach them what none of the rest of us can do. The birth of my grandson was something I was part of....staying 10 days to assist, cook, clean, care for and love them and the new baby. This time around, I received a text message from my daughter on my phone with a picture and the details of the new baby's stats...about as inpersonal as a notice of a tax bill. You see I was defriended from FACEBOOK. My brother in law went on the only facebook that he has access too, my grandson's and said Congratulations! and went on to say his grandmother Claudiajane would have said likewise, but that she had been defriended! And guess what happened? Of course, both my sister and brother in law were removed from my grandson's facebook. Ha!
What I do know is this, None of us can carry around the saddness that will eat us alive and spoil the happiness of life for THEIR DECISIONS TO DISOWN THEIR FAMILIES. I can say that my SIL's family is not perfect, but they are decent, caring and god fearing people. I can say that my family has done nothing to deserve their discord and ugliness. But it is what it is and both families have suffered for THEIR CHOICES.
These following characteristics are applicable to my ED and SIL:
Arrogant Entitlement
Lack of Empathy
No Remorse/ No Guilt
Irresponsible/ Self Destructive
Thrive on Drama
Brag About Outsmarting Others ( Usually Family Members)
Short Term Relationships
Fantasy World / Delusional
I could write paragraph after paragraph concerning each one of these attributes demonstrated by my ED and SIL. But if you asked me if these were part of their character BEFORE they joined together, I would have to say NO. Certainly not based on my recollections of my daughter and certainly not based on the recollections of my SIL's mother.
Basically they treated HIS family horribly, and while watching the horror of it all, I never thought they would then turn on ME or Her family. But alas they did. But what is most disconcerning for me is their overwhelming desire to make a public display of their hatred on public media. It is not enough to attack in a personal one on one, they have to take their rants and bizarre accusations to a public media which only causes increased embarrassment and derision.
Needless to say it has been a very difficult time for both families.
I have appreciated the postings made here and I have found them to be very helpful. For me personally, it saddens me greatly to see such pain as I have felt and to know those of you who suffer. I suffer too, but it is getting better for me.
Better for me because I know I have no control over 'THEM" and "THEIRS". So I do what I "feel" I want to do in regards to sending presents and such to the little grandchildren, cards and sometimes things to my ED UNTIL I "feel" I don't want too any more. I receive no acknowledgement from them, but I do have satisfaction in knowing that my grandchildren will benefit from my thoughtfulness and love. And for now that is enough for me.
I send my deepest affection to each of you who suffer. I send my prayers that the Lord in his mercy soften THEIR hearts and gives each of you some peace in this journey NONE OF US asked for or wanted.
In any case, I have a precious little grandson who is two and now a little granddaughter, but they are not part of my life. My ED and SIL moved to Montana in August 2012 and are pretty much estranged from not only her family, but his as well. it seems that they can find no satisfaction with either.
Married in Dec 2009 in a beautiful wedding in the Smoky Mtns, TN...surrounded by family from both sides who adored and loved them both, they went on to find fault and created discord and animosity. From what I have come to accept is that both my ED and SIL were in happy and content family relationships UNTIL they joined together and then it seems that no one could satisfy them.
In any case, their famiies still love them and their precious little children, but just about any attempt to build bridges are utter failures.
I cannot write the story of what has conspired over the past 2.5 years since they married, but I can tell you that I would rather see my daughter married with a husband and two beautiful children EVEN if it meant I was kicked to the curb. They have each other and from all accounts they extremely happy...at least that is what they communicate.
The thing is LIFE will teach them what none of the rest of us can do. The birth of my grandson was something I was part of....staying 10 days to assist, cook, clean, care for and love them and the new baby. This time around, I received a text message from my daughter on my phone with a picture and the details of the new baby's stats...about as inpersonal as a notice of a tax bill. You see I was defriended from FACEBOOK. My brother in law went on the only facebook that he has access too, my grandson's and said Congratulations! and went on to say his grandmother Claudiajane would have said likewise, but that she had been defriended! And guess what happened? Of course, both my sister and brother in law were removed from my grandson's facebook. Ha!
What I do know is this, None of us can carry around the saddness that will eat us alive and spoil the happiness of life for THEIR DECISIONS TO DISOWN THEIR FAMILIES. I can say that my SIL's family is not perfect, but they are decent, caring and god fearing people. I can say that my family has done nothing to deserve their discord and ugliness. But it is what it is and both families have suffered for THEIR CHOICES.
These following characteristics are applicable to my ED and SIL:
Arrogant Entitlement
Lack of Empathy
No Remorse/ No Guilt
Irresponsible/ Self Destructive
Thrive on Drama
Brag About Outsmarting Others ( Usually Family Members)
Short Term Relationships
Fantasy World / Delusional
I could write paragraph after paragraph concerning each one of these attributes demonstrated by my ED and SIL. But if you asked me if these were part of their character BEFORE they joined together, I would have to say NO. Certainly not based on my recollections of my daughter and certainly not based on the recollections of my SIL's mother.
Basically they treated HIS family horribly, and while watching the horror of it all, I never thought they would then turn on ME or Her family. But alas they did. But what is most disconcerning for me is their overwhelming desire to make a public display of their hatred on public media. It is not enough to attack in a personal one on one, they have to take their rants and bizarre accusations to a public media which only causes increased embarrassment and derision.
Needless to say it has been a very difficult time for both families.
I have appreciated the postings made here and I have found them to be very helpful. For me personally, it saddens me greatly to see such pain as I have felt and to know those of you who suffer. I suffer too, but it is getting better for me.
Better for me because I know I have no control over 'THEM" and "THEIRS". So I do what I "feel" I want to do in regards to sending presents and such to the little grandchildren, cards and sometimes things to my ED UNTIL I "feel" I don't want too any more. I receive no acknowledgement from them, but I do have satisfaction in knowing that my grandchildren will benefit from my thoughtfulness and love. And for now that is enough for me.
I send my deepest affection to each of you who suffer. I send my prayers that the Lord in his mercy soften THEIR hearts and gives each of you some peace in this journey NONE OF US asked for or wanted.
Replies
I say entitled this a Positive Story because it is an affirmation of MY acceptance of what is. A Positive Story because I am not being held prisoner anymore. I can look at them and the situation and STILL find happiness and contentment for MYSELF because I will it. I will not go down into the pit of self destruction and remorse because IT WILL CHANGE NOTHING with them and theirs. It would only change me to someone else. Just because they have the attributes as listed above does not CHANGE who I am and have been over the 2.5 years! Peace.
You wrote an excellent article Claudia Jane and I totally agree and support it as that\'s precisely how I feel personally. I\'ve detached and have moved on. Good luck to our ECs and their own self-centered worlds!
Thank you abandoned orphan. I didn\'t know this journal entry went public, but I am okay with its display. Claudiajane
This is a great article ClaudiaJane. It hit home in so many ways.
(((Hugs)))
Good for you!You are never alone especially here.