New beginning

Today is not one of my finer days.  I lied to my wife's face theater night about inappropriate texting and porn use out of fear of her reaction and trying to weasel out of a bad scenario to avoid facing the music.  This only made things worse.  My wife is understanding and has forgiven me in the past and this is why total honesty was crucial for our relationship.  I obliterated any trust that I had earned back over the last year when she found out I had been cheating on her with numerous women throughout our relationship.  Now i face not only the pain I am causing my wife and both families but she is also now pregnant with twins.  She feels she will never trust me and it's over once and for all.   I fell into a rabbit hole of deceit as I did not avoid a situation I certainly could have by stopping what turned into sexually fueled text.  As the remorse entered me not moments after the conversation started I kept going with it anyway to se how far I could take it without getting caught and then I finally ended a day long text conversation with the proclamation that this needed to stop and I had too much to lose.  Too little too late.  When confronted by my wife about a relapse in porn usage, another addiction of mine, I lied to her face.  This brought suspicion regarding my other shady activities and a search ensued.  All I had to do was come clean about the porn and we could have worked through it. Then although the texting was squashed and desired to steer clear of extramarital activities was made know, I did not inform my wife of the scenario until it was already too late.  My knee jerk reaction to lie to either get out of trouble or sugar coat a situation or embellish another kicked in and I f*%ked up.  My wife is ready to divorce me after the children are born.  I've caused so much pain due to my lying and infidelity I feel rotten to the core.  I continued to say prayers, which I had strayed away from the last few months, and pray to earn her trust back so we can parent our children together and have a life we desired.  She never deserved this. Ever.