New Beginings Or The Begining Of The End
It has been 5 days since I found out my husband betrayed me again. He wants to talk and talk when in all honesty I just want to sleep. I have been so sick this past week its hard for me to think about anything let alone talk things out. Cry and sleep that's been how I've been spending my time. I quit drinking 5 years ago but that went out the window with a huge bottle of wine and a box of Kleenex. I don't feel bad about it though. I quit drinking for him and to make our marriage stronger. You would think the least he could do is "Keep it in his pants".
On the plus side I've lost a couple pounds, not being able to eat will do that. I'm not really the self-pity type but damn this hurts... I'm still not sure how I want this to end. He's full of "I'm sorry's" and "it will never happen again" and his sincerity is very believable. But I've heard all of this before, come up with some new material already!
The problem is I really do love him and I don't love like most people I've met. I love with everything I have I put my very heart and soul into it. So when I'm betrayed it tears the very threads of my being apart... I know I need to talk to him and try to cope, I'm just not ready. He tells me he loves me every time we talk and I reply, I tell him I love him too. I do but at the same time I feel completely dead inside, no emotion...There's nothing, I'm a shell of my former self.
He's worried I want revenge. That because of what he's done I'm going to go and sleep around. I very easily could. He's at work all day, kid's are at school. And I sure as hell would never leave the evidence in my pants pocket by the bed! Problem is I could never do that to him, I could never hurt him like that no matter what he's done. I do however let him think whatever the hell he wants . Why should I bother to reassure him everything is going to be ok? If he didn't mess around in the first place he wouldn't be insecure. No it's not my place to make him feel better. I want to save our marriage but some form of consequence needs to be established. Without consequences there can be no correction of unacceptable behavior.
I fix things that's what I do, I've never ran from a problem in my entire life. My problem is I have no idea how to fix this. Silly me I thought I had already fixed it last time. Being wrong sucks.
On the plus side I've lost a couple pounds, not being able to eat will do that. I'm not really the self-pity type but damn this hurts... I'm still not sure how I want this to end. He's full of "I'm sorry's" and "it will never happen again" and his sincerity is very believable. But I've heard all of this before, come up with some new material already!
The problem is I really do love him and I don't love like most people I've met. I love with everything I have I put my very heart and soul into it. So when I'm betrayed it tears the very threads of my being apart... I know I need to talk to him and try to cope, I'm just not ready. He tells me he loves me every time we talk and I reply, I tell him I love him too. I do but at the same time I feel completely dead inside, no emotion...There's nothing, I'm a shell of my former self.
He's worried I want revenge. That because of what he's done I'm going to go and sleep around. I very easily could. He's at work all day, kid's are at school. And I sure as hell would never leave the evidence in my pants pocket by the bed! Problem is I could never do that to him, I could never hurt him like that no matter what he's done. I do however let him think whatever the hell he wants . Why should I bother to reassure him everything is going to be ok? If he didn't mess around in the first place he wouldn't be insecure. No it's not my place to make him feel better. I want to save our marriage but some form of consequence needs to be established. Without consequences there can be no correction of unacceptable behavior.
I fix things that's what I do, I've never ran from a problem in my entire life. My problem is I have no idea how to fix this. Silly me I thought I had already fixed it last time. Being wrong sucks.
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