Never Forget
I wrote the following to a friend yesterday and wanted to share.
I am going thru a transition. A young girl that has worked beside me several years now and whom I love like a daughter and have become so very close s possibly going to leave. She met a guy and they may be moving to Kansas City. I am so very happy for her, but will miss her horribly. Another lady friend of mine for years has met a gentleman and is spending much time with him; she was my movie buddy and goofing around buddy. One of the ladies in my group is a girl I used to work with and we have been friends for years is moving to Florida probably next month and I can't hardly stand it. Another friend who I was so very co-dependent with is not calling as much because I know that she knows and has probably noticed I am NOT being the caretaker I once was. We are still friends, but in a different way. She used to take up so much of my time and now I am not allowing that to happen. I want to be there for her but in a healthy way not a unhealthy way. Unhealthy for me means getting frustrated and irritated because she doesn't do anything to help herself and I have worked with her for years now. I am not mad at her, but things are changing and I think we both know it. And my sister moving to San Antonio I can't even talk about right now without crying. So, I will appreciate all I have had with them, all we have shared, yet, I will grieve at the same time. I am paying attention to my feelings of sadness, emptiness, aloneness and working on remembering there are going to be "great changes" taking place. All these people were a huge comfort zone for me and now I am going to be out of my comfort zone and I have to be willing to enter into a new beginning. But in the meantime, I will grieve and cry.
On my way to the Y yesterday morning, after writing to my friend, I seemed to notice every billboard, every sign that I passed. The first was a Vision-Care sign and I said to myself "please let me remember to see with my Spiritual Eyes and thank-you for my human eyes that see. Carpet Weavers: I thought of a story that comes from the class I teach about finding yourself in transition. Imagine a caterpillar crawling across the floor on a very intricately Oriental carpet. The caterpillar sees nothing but a endless series of colors changing from one to another. Yet, a butterfly flying above the carpet can already see the pattern underlying the caterpillar's journey. Indeed there is a pattern, a plan, for each of us; although, most of us are like the caterpillar on the carpet, we see only a series of apparently unrelated events occurring before us. I want to remember my life is being woven by the Great Carpet Weaver, by Intelligent Design, by the Divine Universe and I am part of that. I want to remember I am a butterfly! when I get caught up in not wanting to face transition.
Stop Sign! Sometimes I need to Stop! In my height of transition (void), sometimes I will get so carried away wanting answers, why, etc. I forget to Stop and remember there is a New Beginning coming. I forget to surrender, I forget something bigger than me is working in and thru me.
Slow down - Road Construction: Slow down Vicki! When I go thru "road construction" in our mind, I need to remember to "slow down and enter with caution" as there's a lot of re-building going on. Things may look really messy right now, but the "road construction" is be fixed, being made ANEW! In this process, I really do need to remember to Slow Down!
There were many more epiphanies with the billboard/signs yesterday, but I took it as a sign/gift to "be aware" that what's going on is ok. It's all weaved together. When I think of the mess I was 34yrs. ago, how I had a heart full of hatred, self-hatred, lived life with so much FEAR, I cried and cried as I realized I FORGET how many transitions I have been thru, and how many victories there has been. Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and all the other Abuses no longer haunt me. Yes, I never want to FORGET!
Thank-you Loving Spirit for the Awareness you placed in my heart yesterday.
When you struggle as we all do here on this site, let us try to remember how very far we have come! Never Forget!
xo
I am going thru a transition. A young girl that has worked beside me several years now and whom I love like a daughter and have become so very close s possibly going to leave. She met a guy and they may be moving to Kansas City. I am so very happy for her, but will miss her horribly. Another lady friend of mine for years has met a gentleman and is spending much time with him; she was my movie buddy and goofing around buddy. One of the ladies in my group is a girl I used to work with and we have been friends for years is moving to Florida probably next month and I can't hardly stand it. Another friend who I was so very co-dependent with is not calling as much because I know that she knows and has probably noticed I am NOT being the caretaker I once was. We are still friends, but in a different way. She used to take up so much of my time and now I am not allowing that to happen. I want to be there for her but in a healthy way not a unhealthy way. Unhealthy for me means getting frustrated and irritated because she doesn't do anything to help herself and I have worked with her for years now. I am not mad at her, but things are changing and I think we both know it. And my sister moving to San Antonio I can't even talk about right now without crying. So, I will appreciate all I have had with them, all we have shared, yet, I will grieve at the same time. I am paying attention to my feelings of sadness, emptiness, aloneness and working on remembering there are going to be "great changes" taking place. All these people were a huge comfort zone for me and now I am going to be out of my comfort zone and I have to be willing to enter into a new beginning. But in the meantime, I will grieve and cry.
On my way to the Y yesterday morning, after writing to my friend, I seemed to notice every billboard, every sign that I passed. The first was a Vision-Care sign and I said to myself "please let me remember to see with my Spiritual Eyes and thank-you for my human eyes that see. Carpet Weavers: I thought of a story that comes from the class I teach about finding yourself in transition. Imagine a caterpillar crawling across the floor on a very intricately Oriental carpet. The caterpillar sees nothing but a endless series of colors changing from one to another. Yet, a butterfly flying above the carpet can already see the pattern underlying the caterpillar's journey. Indeed there is a pattern, a plan, for each of us; although, most of us are like the caterpillar on the carpet, we see only a series of apparently unrelated events occurring before us. I want to remember my life is being woven by the Great Carpet Weaver, by Intelligent Design, by the Divine Universe and I am part of that. I want to remember I am a butterfly! when I get caught up in not wanting to face transition.
Stop Sign! Sometimes I need to Stop! In my height of transition (void), sometimes I will get so carried away wanting answers, why, etc. I forget to Stop and remember there is a New Beginning coming. I forget to surrender, I forget something bigger than me is working in and thru me.
Slow down - Road Construction: Slow down Vicki! When I go thru "road construction" in our mind, I need to remember to "slow down and enter with caution" as there's a lot of re-building going on. Things may look really messy right now, but the "road construction" is be fixed, being made ANEW! In this process, I really do need to remember to Slow Down!
There were many more epiphanies with the billboard/signs yesterday, but I took it as a sign/gift to "be aware" that what's going on is ok. It's all weaved together. When I think of the mess I was 34yrs. ago, how I had a heart full of hatred, self-hatred, lived life with so much FEAR, I cried and cried as I realized I FORGET how many transitions I have been thru, and how many victories there has been. Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and all the other Abuses no longer haunt me. Yes, I never want to FORGET!
Thank-you Loving Spirit for the Awareness you placed in my heart yesterday.
When you struggle as we all do here on this site, let us try to remember how very far we have come! Never Forget!
xo
Replies
Hi Vicki
sad that so many friends are leaving. As to the signs...I think someone is talking to you. Even though there is sadness here this is an uplifting entry.
sending love to you
rick
oh yeh. hugs too
Thank-you Rick. I think your right about the signs...I couldn\'t even make stuff like that up! :-)
I wonder if your numerology tells you have the number of change like me? My life is FILLED with endless (major) Change .... enough already! Wouldn\'t it be nice to have a little stretch of no changes? Just a few days at least. Hugs!
Bistro: How do I find out if I have the number of change? It really feels like it lately; not only externally, but internally also. I really work on \"accepting change\" and yes, those moments of no changes is very appreciated.
xo
How wonderful to read your journal entry and feel acceptance and strength. It is sad and I\'m experiencing the loss of friends with new boyfriends, or it\'s unhealthy etc. ..and it is difficult, I too feel this challenge. I love your words and they are of great comfort to me right now.
I want to say that I\'m sorry this is a tough time for you, you are handling it with real courage. Vicki you are amazing and wonderful xxxx
Thank you for sharing your courage and showing me how you use your tools
Blessings and Love,
Rich
HI Vicki,
I believe there will be more windows for you, even as things seem like they are really shifting. It will definitely push you outside of your comfort zone, but your response seems very healthy to me.
Hugs,
Shari
Yes, doors are closing and new ones are opening :)
Hi Vicki ! Sorry to hear about so many friends moving on. Maybe it\'s a sign for new beginnings for you. You are blessed & The Lord will guide you on your path.
Where in Florida is your one friend moving too. I\'m in Orlando Florida . ;)
Thank-you everyone.
Angellady: My friend is moving to North Fort Meyers. I don\'t know locations of FL. at all - is that close?
I am being open to new beginnings! Thanks! :-)
Vicki,
I loved the story of \"Carpet Weavers\" and absolutely relate for I believe it\'s true that we cannot see the big picture with ordinary eyes. It\'s only when we learn to fly that we gain larger vision.
As for change, I am grateful for it attests to the pulse of life and new beginnings. It teaches me to let go and to accept with open arms those beginnings--be they good or not, easy or hard.
Oh! Rumi\'s poem just came to mind:
\"This being human is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness. Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they\'[re a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture.
Still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice; go to the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes for each has been sent as a guide from beyond.\"
Someone sent me Rumi\'s poem over 20 years ago and it still speaks to me. I think, ultimately, our movement towards healing is about choice as is our response to change. Nothing in this world stands still--why fight the inevitable?
xx