Never Fear Disney Is Still Here!!!!!

Ok so I have been off the grid for the past few days sorry to my friends that sent me messages and posted to my journal that I was unable to respond. When I returned home from work on Wed I found out that my cable, internet and home phone had been shut off because the SELFISH IDIOT IS ALMOST $5,000 BEHIND IN SUPPORT NOW. Anyway had to wait until my daughter got paid so we could have it turned back on. She is my BLESSING I COULDN'T DO THIS WITHOUT HER I JUST HOPE ONE DAY I WILL BE ABLE TO RETURN THE BLESSING TO HER. So i'm back on line now with lots to tell. On Wed night I had my first Divorce Care Session and it went really well. Of course I kept getting interrupted by my cell phone going off thinking it was the kids.... It wasn't it was him wondering WHY MY HOME PHONE WAS OFF AND HE WAS MAD THAT HE COULDN'T TALK TO AUSTIN.
Oh boy I told him that sucks I guess if you pay your support my shit wouldn't be getting shut off now would it and you could talk to him. He said well let him use your cell phone, I'm not home, Where are you it's after 9 shouldn't you be home with Austin. At this point I said well where are you it's after 9 shouldn't you be banging this months whore? I know i'm not supposed to respond but sometimes I CAN'T HELP IT HE IS GIVING ME PARENTING ADVICE!!!!! Here I am at a Divorce Care Group to help me cope better and be a better parent and he is the one who doesn't care if his family can pay rent or the cable bill or buy food. HE IS 5,000 BEHIND AND ACTS LIKE OH WELL THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!!!!!! I DON'T GET IT I JUST DON'T GET IT. So I told him when he pays up and I catch up on the bills and I can affort to have my home phone again then he can talk to Austin. If Austin comes to me and wants to use my cell phone to call his dad then I will let him. But it's been 4 days and he hasn't even mentioned it. He doesn't even notice that his dad has not called.
And you know what it has been real peacefull around here and we like it that way. Everytime his dad calls here almost immediatly you can cut the tension with a knife and we have had the best week even without cable or internet. Except missing Daily Strength and checking my emails it's been real nice. So I mentioned in my last journal about a real nice guy I met at cpr class I thought about it real hard and I think I am not ready. If my stbx can still make my blood boil and break me down to tears with his stupid choices and retarded words then i'm not ready. Kathy said you have to be ok with yourself and by yourself and I am really loving myself and proud of what I am accomplishing, i'm even ok alone now actually loving my alone time now I USED TO HATE IT WITH A PASSION. No for me it's willing to get to know someone all over again, their likes and dislikes, good habits and bad one's, ect...... I just don't feel i'm ready to put in the time yet because i'm still cleaning up my past and trying to figure out still when it all went wrong. Also still working on myself because there are times when I still ask myself " What else could I have done?"
I was nice about it and just told him thanks so much for showing interest but I didn't feel it was fair to him to start something that I wasn't ready to finish. He did ask me if I would like to go with a group of people " Friends" to a U OF A football game next time they played at home and I just said " That might be nice" So I told him to friend me on facebook and we would communicate that way still don't want to give my number out. So that's that for now maybe someday I will be ready to find my DisneyDad but now is not the time. I took one more step and signed the final Divorce Papers after sitting sealed up in a folder for the past 2 weeks I finally opened it, read them. and took them to a Notary then send them back to my Attorney. I cried that night all night but I got up stopped by church lit a candle said a Prayer cried a little more and told God it was in his hands now. I went to work, had lunch with the girls, then after work told them I had signed. They immediatley gathered up the troops afterschool and took me out for a beer. They cried a little more with me, gave me big hugs and told me that I was an inspiration of strength and that they were so proud of me. I came home gave my kids big squeezes and told them simply......." LIFE GOES ON AND IT'S TO PRECIOUS TO WASTE "................