Never Far From My HEART!!!!

It seems like ages since I have spoken to any of you. Please know that you are NEVER far from my HEART AND THOUGHTS. I hope the New Year is bringing strength and for some of us CLOSURE!!!! As my life is going on I still find my strength in God, My Children, My Family and My Friends. I have even had a couple dates with some really nice guys but what I learned is that i'm not ready to date yet. I have managed to make some nice new friends though. I thought I need to heal get through the Holidays and I can officially say I made it through the 1st year!!!!!! After all that the next step normally would be to get out there again and find someone new. Not the case as I found out. I guess i'm still not done with ME YET!!!! Maybe thats the lesson that God is trying to teach me. That I need to be 100% ok with being on my own and making it on my own so I will NEVER again DEPEND on a Man for my happiness.
I don't think there is anything wrong with relying on or depending on a man for support but you shouldn't loose yourself in the process. Over these past months I have come to realize just how UN-HAPPY I REALLY WAS. Probably for the past 8 years atleast. I'm discovering new things about myself and my kids everyday things I didn't even know about myself. My work is going real well, i'm about to qualify for my first home all by myself and of course only 46 MORE DAYS TIL DISNEY!!!! OUR FIRST VACATION ever without him. I think it will go great and the kids are so excited. He is working now so they are garnishing my support right out of his check. Matter a fact thay are taking double for awhile until he catches up with the $7,500 he is behind. Everything is working out slowly but surely just proving once again the SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE. Patience is the word of the day. Well everyday since this all started but Women grieve first and fast, Men grieve later and longer. His time is coming now I already have got the i'm sorry and broke phone call, I have got the I miss you and the kids text messages during the holidays, then of course on New Years eve I got I wish I was kissing you right now at mid night.
I have learned not to respond at all just ignore it until what eve he is feeling passes and he goes back to being the selfish jack ass who ran out on all of us.  He still has not signed the Final Divorce Papers it's been 4 months since he recieved them and he still says he's reading over them. I have Kindergarteners that read faster than that but it's his control shit so go ahead don't sign them all the better for me if you don't respond then I get everything as usual. My health is going great a total of 109 pounds down and in a size 8 now was in Junior High the last time that happened. I have Dental Insurance now at work so my gift to myself is getting my teeth all shiney white so my smile matches my body.
I am still making it day by day, still have a few miss steps every now and then but I pray and it passes. When I go back and read my Journals from January and Feb, March, and April of last year I can't believe how far I have come. My fairy God Mother Kathy was right Life does get better even if it doesn't feel like it will IT DOES AND IT IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!

Replies

sadfornow26yahoocom
sadfornow26yahoocom

good for you my friend, you are acheiving what we all dream of , you are an inspiration to me and many others here, dont lose your dream or goals, we are right behind you , take care, enjoy your trip, you so deserve is as do your kids , god bless
p
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so proud of you!! You have accomplished soooo much!! You are very strong and the light to many of us. I pray that I too will someday be as strong as you. Thank you for being my guiding light in this dark journey. :)