Never enough....

All my life I have been far from pretty...being one of six girls I was always the "ugly duckling" in the family...everybody else was so much more beautiful then me. I use to wish I looked more like them and wonder how come having the same parents that I ended up being so unattractive. I always wanted to be one of them instead of me...it just didn't seem fair. I know looks aren't everything and they always say its whats inside that counts but in my case nobodygave me a second glance it seems because I was not physically attractive. They didn't even want to get to know me it seemed. When the man I would marry came around I couldn't believe that somebody was actually attracted to me. I was 22 years old at the time and figured if I didn't grab him up that I would never find anybody else. He seemed to really love me.He would tell me how beautiful I was..he couldn't get enough of me. It was such a wonderful feeling to have somebody who thought I was attractive. It was short lived though..it was shortly after we got married that he began to tell me how ugly I was, how fat I was (even though I was a size 5). No matter how thin I got I was never thin enough. He would constantly call me fat names. He would remind me daily that I was lucky to have him because no other man would want an ugly bitch like me. It hurt because I realized then that not even to the person who supposably loved me was I pretty enough. I have had much the same experince on line..I have talked to many people over the years. It seems whenever I would talk to a guy we would get along great and have good conversation. It was always just as friends but as soon as I would send them a picture or they would see my picture in a profile they would instantly disappear. They were gone never to be heard from again. As I get older and the wrinkles set in I get even more unattractive. Men my age want younger women it seems. I have never judged people by their looks ... I know what it feels like to be judged solely on your looks. In my eyes everybody is beautiful, everybody has something to offer. I really don't know what this journal entry is really all about..I guess I just got hit with reality again and once again I wasn't enough.... :(

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Just a big hug to you. I think we often have a distorted image of ourselves when we look in the mirror. What we see is not what others do.

I cannot even imagine that you are an unattractive person at all - I know in my heart that you are not!

I too am one that has been judge by my looks - I\'m one of those hefty girls! You know you have such a pretty face if you\'d only lose that weight-I\'ve battled that all my life. I guess now looking back at 28 when my ex came around - I too jumped - my family always felt I settled - I can\'t look at it like that because I have the two biggest gifts ever living with me every day.
I find now though at 50 and starting over I am just invisible to people - no one sees someone who is 50 and there are hundreds of us walking around every day - Right now I\'m just someone\'s mom, daughter and an ex - what I want to be is just someone that is special to someone else - just to be hugged and told that I\'m beautiful for being me.
Not sure whether my response will help, lol - just kind of got lost while typing it.
but just sending a big hug because I know too - that reality slaps me in the face (like it did last night) and today I\'m paying for it.
Just a big hug to you!
By the way where do you live - I probably asked before?
deleted_user
deleted_user

((((Hugs)))) I have to agree that we often have a distorted body image of ourselves. I know that I feel the same way about myself..I am very insecure when it comes to my looks. It was hard for me even to post a picture here. My family thought I settled for my Ex too and in a way I did...I was so afraid of being alone.
deleted_user
deleted_user

A persons inside are more important than outside i feel the same never enough and always sometone else id rather be some one told me once that a good person finds the inside nto the outside i wish things were differ in my life but all we can be is who we are and appreciate god made us how we are and when i get down i remind myself i could be blind could of been born no legs ect ect and helps me to remmeber that god lovesme for who i am and made me as i am and so try to remmeber that ur beautiful and everyone has differnt tastes in women and but what counts the most is to feel good on you so hugs you
stevebhopes
stevebhopes

You are beautiful to me. Don\'t despair and put yourself down. If it is your picture that you have posted in your profile then you are a attractive woman for sure. I am not much of a catch myself but I carry on. I don\'t have any prospects right now either but I try to love myself and not beat up on myself. Often when we are feeling good about ourselves people see more beauty in us. Do your best to love you!
startinanew
startinanew

Thank you all of you for your kind words of support. I am really struggling today. Yes Steve that was me in the profile pictures I posted and thanks for your kind compliments. I try not to beat up on myself but every now and then I get that slap into reality and it hurts.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am sorry that the man you were with said those things to you. I am not sure if he meant it or he felt scared and jealous. It is the same that a rape is not about sex, but about power. I wonder that he was afriad of you leaving him and wanted to put you in your place to keep you from being free from him. I could be wrong, but i have seen it over and over wether someone is beautiful or not the same things happens, and not take it personality. he found you attractive another man will also.
Kon
Kon

I hear you loud and clear, I have some pretty rough feelings about my looks. My spine is so twisted that what use to be unseen (except in a bathing suit) is now obvious to the world. I\'m Quasimodo now and in the past I felt like Esmeralda.
You my dear may have \"felt\" like an ugly duckling but you most certainly became the Swan!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

True beauty comes from within! you have no self esteem. sexy=confidence. Learn to love yourself & happiness will follow.
deleted_user
deleted_user

PS


Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Dale Carnegie