Never Ending Fear.

I am in never ending fear most days now.  My biggest fear right now is having a stroke. I am 22 years old. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t have high blood pressure, I’m  not obese and I’m not on any type of birth control that could potentially cause a stroke. I don’t understand why this scares me so much. Maybe it’s because i get these terrifying migraine auras that mimic strokes. Literally.
When i get a migraine aura, my vision goes weird. I get flashing lights that go in a circle in my vision. I literally can’t see good for about 30 minuets when i get one, and it’s really scary. And then my speech goes weird. I can’t talk right. I’ll be trying to say the word stroke and it will come out sounding like stoke, stook, or ill be trying to say christmas tree and it will come out as tree christmas, so pretty much everything is backwards or comes out completely wrong and it scares the hell out of me and i hate it so much. And thats not all. My arm going numb next. It starts at my finger tips, and then it slowly makes it’s way up my arm and stops at my elbow. And then half of my lip will go numb and then that goes into my tongue, and then into my throat and sometime my teeth will even go numb. It’s so scary. I hate it with a flaming passion. After all that, i get a real bad migraine. It sucks. 
They mimic strokes. and thats all i can think about when i get one. I always end up calling 911 because it scares me so much. And they dont do anything in the hospital for me anymore. I had a CT SCAN done in April and it came back completely clear, so they wont do another for me because of the radiation and the risk of brain cancer (like i need another thing to worry about!). Ive been to the ER FIVE times because of these migraine auras thinking that its a stroke and every single time i go they tell me its not a stroke and just simply a migraine aura, but for some reason i cant accept that its not a stroke, or a TIA. I have a hard time accepting that they are in fact just migraine auras, EXTREMELY terrifying migraine auras, but just migraine auras.
I remember my very first migraine aura. I was 11 or 12 years old. I was sitting on the school bus in middle school, and all of the sudden my vision went weird. I got the really weird strobe light circle effect in my visual field and i couldnt see good. I remember telling the bus driver i had to get off the bus because i couldnt see and i had to go to the Nurses office. I was so scared. I didnt know what was going on. And when i got to the Nurses office they had me lye down. And then after a half hour they made me go to class. When i got to Gym class i remember i felt confused. I couldnt speak right. I was trying to tell my GYM coach something and the words werent coming out right and i was scared, but i didnt know what was going on. I got the tingling in my face. mostly in my lips and cheek. It was scary. But went away after a while. I just had a really bad headache afterwards.
Another time i had one is when i was coming back from a Pow wow, with one of my ex’s and his mom. I was in the back seat of the car and once again had the visual thing. and when we got home i was so confused, i couldn’t talk right. I was saying things backwards and saying the wrong words. I was trying to tell my ex i liked his belt and instead i told him i liked him drum. I was extremely out of it and i remember just crashing because the migraine auras made me drowsy. 
And then another time i had one, i was in high school. I was in the school cafeteria eating lunch with a friend and all of the sudden i looked at the clock and there was a bright speck in my vision in front of the numbers. I couldn’t see well and i freaked out. I got up and went to the Principle and i was trying to tell him i needed to go to the nurse’s office and i couldn’t say nurse. He was looking at me like i was crazy, and he walked me up to the nurse’s office. At that point i couldn’t see good out of my central vision and it was more annoying than anything. And she had me sit down with a ice pack on my head. I remember feeling so confused and drowsy and not to mention i was really nauseous. My aunt picked me up from school that day, but before she did, i remember standing outside waiting for her to come get me, and i was puking up water because i didnt eat that day. I ended up being sick with a cold for a few days after that migraine aura.