Never a Dull Moment-I'll take the Dull.
Last night Joe invited a couple over to the house-it irritated me because its the middle of the week and I didn't feel like entertaining.
Good thing is, the guy helped him put the a/c up so no more future sweltering days. However, this gave Joe a excuse to drink.
The other woman in the couple-Ill call her Cheryl, her house recently got broken into. She found the intruder hiding in her closet.
I felt bad for her while she was telling me the story but Joe continued to joke around about it for the rest of the night, wouldn't let anyone else talk which I found rude. He and the woman almost got into an altercation. He never took a swing at her but he did make the comment that his father told him it was ok to hit a woman if she hit first.
I lived in a women's shelter for 2 months and I can't imagine it's ok to hit a woman-ever. A big strike 2 Joe. I get scathing mad when he's drunk and trys to whisper in my ear at night while I'm trying to sleep. The first thing he asked me this morning was "Are you Ok?" and "I love you". He didnt even get out of bed this morning. I'm not returning his text today-he needs to know that I'm not putting up with that anymore.
Friday we were invited to another party-I don't drink at all so going and being around that crowd is uncomfortable for me. I'm no better than anyone else but, I just know what I'm willing to tolerate. This is my bad-I was stupid to think Joe could be responsible and serious. I think I just need to leave and let him figure his own sh*t out. But-it's on me....as always, I again chose a bad lane.
Replies
We all make bad choices once in awhile and that's how we learn. Like telling a child not to touch the stove because it is hot but you have to touch it and feel the pain before you will believe it.
Joe's attitude toward women in general would raise alot of red flags in me. There are just some things that normal men don't joke about. Abusing women is one of them.
You're a good person for choosing to see the good in others as we all have good and bad in us but that doesn't mean you have to be someone's doormat. I have touched alot of red hot stoves in my life and have learned my lesson. That's probably why I live alone but I enjoy my company :)
God Bless
Your right-it will be interesting to see what happens when I get home. I'm just irritated all together about this.
All his behavior to date has been a red flag, though, not just this.
When I was reading what you wrote, it reminded me of the best advice my mom ever gave me and my siblings when we were kids. She always said choose wisely who we wanted to hang out with and be associated with. Because fair or not, the behavior of those we choose to be around is not only a relfection of them but of us. This wasn't about her feeling we were too good for people or better than anyone else. Quite the contrary. My dad was a crazy alcoholic and we grew up poor and in a crappy neighborhood like everyone else we hung out with so who were we to judge. No, it was more about trying to help us not make some of the same mistakes she made and trying to protect us. We knew a lot of kids who were in gangs, into sketchy activities or were heavy drug users and she was worried if they did something criminal while we were with them, that it could appear we were involved too. Even when I got older, I always kept that tucked in the back of my mind, that you are sometimes associated with the company you keep.
My point... if my husband threatened a woman ( and that's what Joe did here) that would reflect badly on him, yes, but on me too for choosing to be with him, If my husband went on a drunken tirade and didn't know how to manage himself, it would reflect poorly on him but on me too because I'm with him. I'm not saying that means we have to try to control our partners, friends, etc. I'm saying choosing to continue to associate with someome who displays really bad behavior in a consistent manner is cosigning the behavior.
I bet if you had a good friend who was in your shoes you'd be telling her, this is sick; end the relationship. Be that good friend to yourself.
The diffs in our priorities and tolerances don't make either of us inferior or superior. Just different. I don't need to *fix* you nor vice versa. When I leave my sister to the drunken behavior which sickens me, I am not judging her lifestyle. Just respecting my own.
When is it okay for anybody of any gender to hit anybody else? Even when I have to do so in self-defense, ^it^ is not okay.
I think that is an excellent point, that it’s really respecting your own lifestyle, which to me is self respect.
Thank you both-I get it.