Negative Thoughts
I have been having a lot of negative thoughts lately and it really is putting a hamper on my recovery : ( I talked to my husband about it last night and he said I need to let all negative go and keep going - he also said it's the enemy giving me negativity :( I have a really hard time being positive, I wish I could learn to be more positive. I am depressed because I started thinking about how my panic disorder has robbed me of my life for the last few years and I know that there is nothing that could bring me back those years. I start to think of how sad I am being a prisoner of my home and being able to go out alone. I really want to get back out in the world and do something for myself, I just don't know where to start, I would love to be able to get a job, or volunteer, anything that would connect me with the outside world but I feel that my panic has a hold of me and won't let go :( Lately, I've been thinking about what my purpose is beside being a mom and wife, I feel that there should be more for me but I can't seen to find it. I want to wake in the morning and feel that I have a purpose, have friends and feel needed.
Replies
I have been a prisoner in my home for nearly 11 years; those years are gone and I will not get them back. Pining for what can not be retrieved is wasteful. I assure you what you\'ve done with your life thus far, has been amazing, being a wife and mom is a blessing. There is so much more purpose that lay ahead for you, where your dreams will be realized, but this is your now. Right now is what we own. Today is ours to do with what we will. It\'s within your rights to spend today and more of your tomorrow\'s fretting over what is gone, but I say let that go. Just release it. Your fears are what you know; they\'ve held you captive for far to long. Today, do something, even if it is the most seemingly minute something that no one else realizes, (do something) you have not done in a long time. Today, take one step further, or reach out to a friend in need on DS, pick a book you\'ve been wanting to read, exercise, do something, anything to remind yourself you are alive and even though you have an illness, you COUNT! You matter in this world. Not this illness, nor anyone else, can take that away from you. Don\'t rob from your spirit to feed psyche. The repercussions of that kind of theft far outweigh that of your panic. You\'ve never stopped being a whole and worthy human being despite the lies your mind has told you. Today, if nothing else, choose to see yourself as such.
My friend, the only thing you can do, is the best you can do right now. Negativity doesn\'t help us at all. It only hurts us. We have to be positive about everything that we accomplish. Start taking small walks around your yard, or outside for a little bit. This is what has helped me. Being more positive with myself and REFUSING to let Satan win with his deceitful lies. You are a child of God and if God is for us who can be against us???? Everyday wake up and say \"Thank you God for giving me one more day.\" Just throughout the day think of all the blessings in your life. It will only help heal the hurt we have inside. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I TOTALLY understand how you feel. If you tell yourself enough you will eventually believe it! Big hugs, love and blessings! - Donna