Needs updating
It has been so long since I updated this, so I figured I'd better do it while I'm thinking about it. I am 61 yrs old. To be honest, my life hasn't gotten much better since my last entry quite some time ago. I have lupus/sero negative auto immune disease, fibro., DDD, lymphedema, and breast cancer, thankfully in remission.
I lost my job in 2008, and still haven't been able to find one. My unemployment ran out in May, 2010, so I have had absolutely no income since then.
In May, 2009, I fell in my basement, and got a MTBI/Post Concussion Syndrome. It destroyed my short term memory and also affects my long term memory. I have ocular vertigo, cognative problems, concentration problems, and am off balance a lot of the time. Up until recently, I was still looking for work, but my neurologist finally convinced me to apply for disability.
I applied in August and got turned down, of course. Now I have to hire a lawyer to appeal the decision. I also applied for social services-I was eligible for food stamps, which is a big help. I also just got notified that I was approved for Medicaid. That's great, except for the fact that none of my doctors accept any of the Medicaid programs. I've had my family doctor for 30 years and my oncologist (I had breast cancer in 1995-still in remission, thank God), for 20 years. There is no way I want to lose them, so I don't know what to do.
I've had my phone and tv disconnected cause I can't pay the bill. The electricity is scheduled to be cut off the end of Nov. I have defaulted on my line of credit from my bank, all my credit cards, and haven't been able to pay any bills since August. I am hoping social services will help me out while I am appealing me SSD decision.
I am just feeling like such a loser. I was the only one in my family (5 kids) to go to college and get a degree. I was a teacher, and more recently, until I was let go, I worked with mentally retarded adults, which was the perfect job for me.I have not been able to find another job in that field or any other. And now since the brain injury, I am so frustrated. I used to be able to type very quickly and accurately. But it takes me forever to type something, and always make a zillion mistakes. I know in my brain what I want to type, but can't get it to travel from my brain to my fingers. Sometimes I can't say what I have in my head, and many times, the most inappropriate words come out, that have nothing to do with what I was thinking. A couple of time, just nonsense words came out-just gibberish. So there is no way I can work.
I never thought I'd be having this kind of life. My husband left us in 1990, and I worked super hard, even with my other illnesses, to bring up my 2 kids and pay off my house. I did both, and felt really proud of myself. But now, they want to auction off my home because I have not been able to pay my property taxes for 3 years, turn off the electricity, have lost the phone and tv already, all credit cards are closed because I can't make the payments, college loans are defaulted, life insurance cashed out and used up, same with IRA and 403-b-absolutely $0 money in accounts now. Why did this happen? I just can't understand.Between losing my job (due to workplace politics), and getting the brain injury, there seems to be no way out of this mess. I have no family anywhere nearby,and both my kids live far away, especially my son, who lives in Spain, so I'm on my own, and right now I'm not dealing with this very well at all.
So I figured I'd better start writing in my journal to help me get through this mess. I hope it helps, because I don't know what else to do.
I hope everyone is well, and God Bless everyone. Kathy
I lost my job in 2008, and still haven't been able to find one. My unemployment ran out in May, 2010, so I have had absolutely no income since then.
In May, 2009, I fell in my basement, and got a MTBI/Post Concussion Syndrome. It destroyed my short term memory and also affects my long term memory. I have ocular vertigo, cognative problems, concentration problems, and am off balance a lot of the time. Up until recently, I was still looking for work, but my neurologist finally convinced me to apply for disability.
I applied in August and got turned down, of course. Now I have to hire a lawyer to appeal the decision. I also applied for social services-I was eligible for food stamps, which is a big help. I also just got notified that I was approved for Medicaid. That's great, except for the fact that none of my doctors accept any of the Medicaid programs. I've had my family doctor for 30 years and my oncologist (I had breast cancer in 1995-still in remission, thank God), for 20 years. There is no way I want to lose them, so I don't know what to do.
I've had my phone and tv disconnected cause I can't pay the bill. The electricity is scheduled to be cut off the end of Nov. I have defaulted on my line of credit from my bank, all my credit cards, and haven't been able to pay any bills since August. I am hoping social services will help me out while I am appealing me SSD decision.
I am just feeling like such a loser. I was the only one in my family (5 kids) to go to college and get a degree. I was a teacher, and more recently, until I was let go, I worked with mentally retarded adults, which was the perfect job for me.I have not been able to find another job in that field or any other. And now since the brain injury, I am so frustrated. I used to be able to type very quickly and accurately. But it takes me forever to type something, and always make a zillion mistakes. I know in my brain what I want to type, but can't get it to travel from my brain to my fingers. Sometimes I can't say what I have in my head, and many times, the most inappropriate words come out, that have nothing to do with what I was thinking. A couple of time, just nonsense words came out-just gibberish. So there is no way I can work.
I never thought I'd be having this kind of life. My husband left us in 1990, and I worked super hard, even with my other illnesses, to bring up my 2 kids and pay off my house. I did both, and felt really proud of myself. But now, they want to auction off my home because I have not been able to pay my property taxes for 3 years, turn off the electricity, have lost the phone and tv already, all credit cards are closed because I can't make the payments, college loans are defaulted, life insurance cashed out and used up, same with IRA and 403-b-absolutely $0 money in accounts now. Why did this happen? I just can't understand.Between losing my job (due to workplace politics), and getting the brain injury, there seems to be no way out of this mess. I have no family anywhere nearby,and both my kids live far away, especially my son, who lives in Spain, so I'm on my own, and right now I'm not dealing with this very well at all.
So I figured I'd better start writing in my journal to help me get through this mess. I hope it helps, because I don't know what else to do.
I hope everyone is well, and God Bless everyone. Kathy
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