Needing prayers
Needing lots of prayers right now. I'm reaching the 3 month mark of my husband's incarceration, and he's telling me that I need to write a will. This saddens me as well as makes me really anxious because I don't like to deal with matters associated with death. I've already been losing sleep because I fear that something will happen with me, or God forbid, him, or the world goes down the poop hole and we aren't together. I hate it that I haven't been physically intimate with him for 3 months now. I really miss him. I don't relish all the uncertainty of when his expected PE date will be, and whether he'll be released. He's telling me two years. Folks have said that it'll fly by, but, right now, it's agony. I think it's because of the other challenges that are facing my family at this time, and I'm having difficulty dealing with all this.
I also need prayers for my parents. Daddy, 88, is hospitalized with viral pneumonia and combine his frailness, heart condition, and age, he need's round the clock care. Fortunately, he's getting it right now, but, what happens when he's discharged. He's also living with dementia, which is a challenge all itself. My mother, 85, is also recovering from pneumonia herself, but now has a head cold, and with her OCD and resentments, she's difficult herself. I'm not sure if she'll have the strength to care for daddy. Neither of them have long term care insurance, and cannot afford round the clock care with a private duty aide. I worry about their health, safety, and well being. I have a younger sister, but, she lives in London, England, and there isn't mch she's able to do....having 3 kids herself.
I can't leave my home, jobs, and life that I've built 6 hours away from my parents as I need to keep this home for whenever my husband is released. I'm riddled with guilt, anxiety, and I need to ensure that I survive myself. My brother is caring for them, sacrificing his career and life, and it's really wearing on him. I simply don't know what to do. My parents and siblings no longer acknowledge my husband for what he has done, and they could care less about me maintaining a home for him. They all have the attitude to just let his dad and step mother look out for him when he's released. UNACCEPTABLE!
And, now, I am about to wage war with the state of Arkansas. The department of human services has had my Medicaid expansion application now for 45 days and haven't processed the damned thing. I've been told it's because they don't have the manpower to process them in a timely fashion, and mine had to be sent to Little Rock because the workers here are unable to delete my husband's income information and some specialist has to do it. Well, good grief-they've had the damned thing since Dec. 17 and they just got around to trying to process it on Tuesday of this last week. I'm pissed off and will be talking to a Lawyer on Monday because by law the state is supposed to have an answer for me within 45 days of receipt of the paperwork. 45 days is today.
We are expecting husband's transfer to diagnostics sometime in February, probably the first or second week. Once that happens, then I probably won't be able to correspond with him for several weeks. It'll be hard and difficult to cope. Thank goodness for this place. Well, off to put away Laundry.
Peace.
I also need prayers for my parents. Daddy, 88, is hospitalized with viral pneumonia and combine his frailness, heart condition, and age, he need's round the clock care. Fortunately, he's getting it right now, but, what happens when he's discharged. He's also living with dementia, which is a challenge all itself. My mother, 85, is also recovering from pneumonia herself, but now has a head cold, and with her OCD and resentments, she's difficult herself. I'm not sure if she'll have the strength to care for daddy. Neither of them have long term care insurance, and cannot afford round the clock care with a private duty aide. I worry about their health, safety, and well being. I have a younger sister, but, she lives in London, England, and there isn't mch she's able to do....having 3 kids herself.
I can't leave my home, jobs, and life that I've built 6 hours away from my parents as I need to keep this home for whenever my husband is released. I'm riddled with guilt, anxiety, and I need to ensure that I survive myself. My brother is caring for them, sacrificing his career and life, and it's really wearing on him. I simply don't know what to do. My parents and siblings no longer acknowledge my husband for what he has done, and they could care less about me maintaining a home for him. They all have the attitude to just let his dad and step mother look out for him when he's released. UNACCEPTABLE!
And, now, I am about to wage war with the state of Arkansas. The department of human services has had my Medicaid expansion application now for 45 days and haven't processed the damned thing. I've been told it's because they don't have the manpower to process them in a timely fashion, and mine had to be sent to Little Rock because the workers here are unable to delete my husband's income information and some specialist has to do it. Well, good grief-they've had the damned thing since Dec. 17 and they just got around to trying to process it on Tuesday of this last week. I'm pissed off and will be talking to a Lawyer on Monday because by law the state is supposed to have an answer for me within 45 days of receipt of the paperwork. 45 days is today.
We are expecting husband's transfer to diagnostics sometime in February, probably the first or second week. Once that happens, then I probably won't be able to correspond with him for several weeks. It'll be hard and difficult to cope. Thank goodness for this place. Well, off to put away Laundry.
Peace.
Replies
It will fly by. The beginning is the hardest. My husband has been incarcerated for a little over 3years now. Some days it feels like forever mist days i can\'t believe it\'s been that long already.
Sorry to hear about all the other things going on in your life. It doesn\'t help any. Do what you need to do to take care if your self, everything else will work itself out.
Prayers to you and your family
I certainly understand some of what you\'re going through. My father is 86 and suffering early stage Alzheimers. My Mom is 83 and although begining to forget a lot but is still able to take care of my Dad. I also hate to deal with death but it is so important to make a will. Otherwise the state will take over any possessions and decisions about them. It also includes who makes decisions when your husband can\'t. You don\'t want to have to fight about that if/when the time comes.
You are in my prayers!
Thank you mom. 2 years seems like a long time, but, I\'ve read your posts, and I\'m saddened for you that your husband is locked up for possibly life. How have you been, by the way? It\'s been two weeks since I have seen my therapist, and, It\'s getting to be that time when I need to vent here. Well, I really need to log off and put away laundry. Tomorrow will fly by. Take care.
I can relate a lot to what you said. Mine has been in over 2 years, after being home 10 months from a 3 year term. Seems forever, but now we are down to a bit over 6 months. I have had to deal with many things alone too. AND my parents are about the same ages as yours are, and my dad supposedly has Alzheimer\'s, but I don\'t see it like mom does. I do have guilt for not living closer to them, but they don\'t approve of my fiance after 16 years of being with him. We are now at the point I must talk to them and get them to try to get over whatever crap that they supposedly think they feel about him because other people gave them info they got over the internet, which wasn\'t all true. I have to figure out if we can go live by them and help them, but they will have to understand me and him are a package deal. They need us or my brother\'s will put them in a home, and that will be awful for them, and WAR between me and my brother\'s. When we get to this point in our lives, everything gets more complicated and stressful. Being in the position to have to deal with out lives is hard enough, but when you have the obligation of figuring out your parents lives, as we have to do, it\'s really hard, and sad, and frustrating and emotional. I really am going through similar things as you are.
Being they are 6 hours away, that makes it harder for you. Mine are a bit over an hour away. I do get there almost every week on my days off. I am having a hard time thinking of them dying, or becoming unable to fend for themselves. It\'s a new, sad chapter in our lives when we have to go through it. Then you top it off with not having the man you love here to hug you when you are sad, help you when you need it, or just roll over and snuggle up to at night and kiss good morning every day.. that\'s just too much sometimes. BUT friend, I have done this 4 times since I met him, and I didn\'t think I could make it, and I did every time. You learn to be stronger, you learn what you can do, that you wouldn\'t do if he were home. You become very independent and a survivor. You won\'t believe that now, but I have went through it I think 4, maybe 5 times since meeting him, ( I lost count) You will get better at handling it. Then some days it will go back to being sad, but you still will take it better. You are in the beginning of this. You slowly learn to get through the days, one day at a time. YOU WILL!!!!!
I have done the crying stuff. I have done the staying in bed for days thing.. And then I learned that ain\'t helping, made myself start going places and doing things, and it got easier.