Needed a mental break from the craptastic life of IF
I feel so out of touch with you all and DS lately. Since getting back from visiting my family in CA, I've been struggling to get back into the swing of things. I have been MIA on DS (in case you didn't notice); I guess I just needed a mental break from it all, from all the TTC talk and emotional roller coaster. I have been thinking of you all and hoping you are doing well, and feel bad I have not been more available to support you. I felt so good after my hysteroscopy was a success and I felt so relieved that I had 2 ERs and the hysteroscopy/D&C done. I had an absolutely wonderful time in CA, and although it was sorta stressful running around a lot, it was a very welcome change to stress about time management with visiting family and friends instead of stressing about TTC issues. It's like I took a real break from thinking about IF, and this was the first time in 2 years that I've done that, and let me tell you, it felt AWESOME! I felt like myself again for a few days and forgot how much I enjoyed being the carefree, unobsessed with TTC, being poked and prodded and spending hours at my RE Lisa. It even got me thinking, hmmm, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to return to NYC and just forget the whole transfer and IVF and TTC process!? But, then reality set in and I know I cannot just give up on something we've worked so hard for and wanted for so long. I'm waiting to get AF (anyday now) then I'll go to the RE on CD3 and hopefully if all goes ok, we'll do the FET mid June. I'm an emotional mess thinking of this. I want to go back to vacation and denial that all of this is happening. I am terrified thinking of my upcoming FET: terrified it won't work and terrified it will! Either way, I know it will be hard because even if it works, I won't be able to relax knowing I have a 65% of m/c. So the way I see it, I'm sorta screwed either way and I HATE HATE HATE that its come to this and that I cannot be one of those women who gets pregnant and can just enjoy the ride. We IF'rs don't have that priveledge and it just sucks.
Anyway, again, my apologies for being so distant, but I hope you understand that I just needed a break from all of this and that it's no reflection on anyone here, I want to support you all as best I can and I know not being on DS in a few weeks is not the best way to do that!!!
Hope you are all well!
xoxoxo
Anyway, again, my apologies for being so distant, but I hope you understand that I just needed a break from all of this and that it's no reflection on anyone here, I want to support you all as best I can and I know not being on DS in a few weeks is not the best way to do that!!!
Hope you are all well!
xoxoxo
Replies
girl, we all understand more than any of us would like to admit. I totally identify w/ like everything in your journal. Before taking a break, I was panicking about wasting the time. But now that i\'m not doing anything as I look into mini IVF, I feel so freed. All the emotion is there, but the pressure is just gone. It does make you wish you could just give it up, but we know deep down that while the idea feels nice, its not what we really want. So happy that you were able to feel like yourself again. We missed you :-)
We all need a break from this lovely life that is IF, we all totally understand! I am glad you had some free time where you didn\'t have to think about TTC! I just had a nice break myself and will really have the summer off from it all and I am happy about that! It make us crazy! Well it\'s good you have your plan for the FET, I pray it will all be worth it and you will get that BFP! Welcome back! :)
Completely understand how you feel- taking a break is always nice. BUt then breaks drove me nuts because I\'d just be agonizing over when to start again! LOL. I\'m glad you are feeling good after all you\'ve been through. I am hoping your FET coming up is the one for you!
No need to explain. Missed you, but completely understand! Sometimes it\'s good to just turn everything off. Im so excited for your transfer next month!
Taking a break now and then is necessary to keep your sanity! Hopefully you will beat the odds in June :-)
I completely understand how you\'re feeling. I\'ve needed a break from DS several times and have found refreshed when I\'ve taken some time for just me. Sending some love and strength your way!
it\'s necessary to take a break....truly, do what you have to do to keep yourself in check hun!!! Praying for you to have strength!! Good luck with your transfer in June :-)
Think it\'s okay and healthy to take breaks. I don\'t think anyone is expecting all of us to be on here all the time. I\'ve been on DS soince 2008 and I\'ve taken some breaks when I\'ve needed it. Do what you need to do for yourself and don\'t worry about what people think.
I\'m gLad you got a good break and a fresh outlook in a sense. You are now ready to go!
It\'s completely normal to take breaks, we all need them sometimes!
As for starting the FET soon, I\'m excited for you. But yes I understand it\'s a double edge sword. Even if us DS sisters get a BFP it\'s a long wait till we can relax. I am hoping this FET will be your full term pregnancy.
Sometime all you need is a step back and a break from all the IF talk. We all get it and don\'t think twice when one of us needs a break. Don\'t feel bad about it. We all need to do what is best for ourselves to get us through.
Can\'t wait for your FET and I really hope you beat the odds.
It is scary to get a BFP and I wish I could tell you it gets easy but it\'s not. The one thing that I know for me is that it\'s worth it to try. We\'ll be here for you.
Good luck.
Break are one of the greatest things to have when TTC! They keep me sane. Glad you had fun in CA with family!
Don\'t be sorry, we all need breaks every once in a while. It lets us regroup! I can\'t wait for your FET...I know it\'s scary with all the \"what ifs\" but I say give it your all and you just never know, in the end you could have your dreams come true with a BFP:) I will be sending lots of baby dust and good thoughts your way:). xoxo