Need vs Want
Years ago, I had someone tell me that they loved me and needed me in his life. I told him that I loved him and wanted him in my life. The guy wasn't happy with my answer, but it was the truth. I didn't marry him, but years later I had the same conversation with my DH.
Throughout most of my life, I've been independent. There were things I wasn't good at, but I always found a way to figure it out and get it done. It was hard being my husband because of it.
DH and I divorced after four years of marriage. We remained friends, helping each other, and caring for each other, in spite of papers that said we were no longer married. We were never lovers after the divorce because of our strong, Christian beliefs. We remarried and the new marriage was different. I'd become born-again and DH had nearly lost his life after developing a tumor on his carotid artery. I'd lost my vision and was dealing with my own problems as a result of it. So, you see, we were different people, marrying again. And the second time was great. I'd learned what it meant to need a person. I'd put aside my independence and let my husband be the man that God wanted a husband to be. God was the center of our lives.
Did I obey my husband? Well, I certainly did. And it's surprising when I tell people that. That is, until I explain it. You see, right before DH and I remarried, I asked him would I be expected to obey him. He said no. So I obeyed that command.
Now, he's gone and I'm again thinking of the Need vs Want theory that became a part of how I thought in my youth. Back then, I felt that need implied an inability to thrive without the assisstance of the other person. While want meant that the person was important in your life, but he was merely desired as a part of your life. You'll go on quite well with or without him. Most men don't like that. They like to think of how much they're needed. I know DH did.
So when I was married, I turned over things to my husband such as assembling things(I was terrible at that) and various tasks around the house. After 8 years, I started to really belive that I couldn't do these things. I'd say, I'm so happy you're here to bring the groceries up because they're too heavy for me, etc.
Now, as of today, I've assembled furniture, set up my computer, complete with wifi access, and hauled 20 bags of groceries up to the 3rd floor in one trip. These are things I would have turned over to DH, no doubt.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm back to my original belief. Men are wanted in your life, not needed. Somehow we women, or men, as the case may be, somehow find the strength to do the things we have to do.
My father is surprised at my strength. I think he wanted me to live with him because he didn't think I could make it on my own. Now, he's confident that I can. Still, he'd like to see me married. At 82 he's doesn't want to leave me alone when he passes on. I say, I know I can live my life alone, or with someone. That is, if it's something I want in the future.
Throughout most of my life, I've been independent. There were things I wasn't good at, but I always found a way to figure it out and get it done. It was hard being my husband because of it.
DH and I divorced after four years of marriage. We remained friends, helping each other, and caring for each other, in spite of papers that said we were no longer married. We were never lovers after the divorce because of our strong, Christian beliefs. We remarried and the new marriage was different. I'd become born-again and DH had nearly lost his life after developing a tumor on his carotid artery. I'd lost my vision and was dealing with my own problems as a result of it. So, you see, we were different people, marrying again. And the second time was great. I'd learned what it meant to need a person. I'd put aside my independence and let my husband be the man that God wanted a husband to be. God was the center of our lives.
Did I obey my husband? Well, I certainly did. And it's surprising when I tell people that. That is, until I explain it. You see, right before DH and I remarried, I asked him would I be expected to obey him. He said no. So I obeyed that command.
Now, he's gone and I'm again thinking of the Need vs Want theory that became a part of how I thought in my youth. Back then, I felt that need implied an inability to thrive without the assisstance of the other person. While want meant that the person was important in your life, but he was merely desired as a part of your life. You'll go on quite well with or without him. Most men don't like that. They like to think of how much they're needed. I know DH did.
So when I was married, I turned over things to my husband such as assembling things(I was terrible at that) and various tasks around the house. After 8 years, I started to really belive that I couldn't do these things. I'd say, I'm so happy you're here to bring the groceries up because they're too heavy for me, etc.
Now, as of today, I've assembled furniture, set up my computer, complete with wifi access, and hauled 20 bags of groceries up to the 3rd floor in one trip. These are things I would have turned over to DH, no doubt.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm back to my original belief. Men are wanted in your life, not needed. Somehow we women, or men, as the case may be, somehow find the strength to do the things we have to do.
My father is surprised at my strength. I think he wanted me to live with him because he didn't think I could make it on my own. Now, he's confident that I can. Still, he'd like to see me married. At 82 he's doesn't want to leave me alone when he passes on. I say, I know I can live my life alone, or with someone. That is, if it's something I want in the future.
Replies