need to keep going

I find it too easy to just not come on here and not stay active but I have to because I need the help and support. Whenever I am not doing well or going down, I end up closing off everything and disappearing. I ask that no one lets that happen because it always ends badly. I have never had this much support in my life so I think I can recover. I have a job interview next week so I hope that goes well. I feel like since I am not using, I have to face everything that has happened to me and it is very scary. The flashbacks have been bad at times and I don't know what to do. I cannot talk about it because I cannot seem to get the words out because I feel too ashamed to talk about the rapes. I may try to write about it here but not sure when.