Need someone to talk to BAD

I am back after a long vacation from this site, had a lot going on the past few weeks. I am kind of having a melt down and have been for about 2 weeks now. I have been staying up until 4-5am and sleeping all day. I feel like I can't get things accomplished, I constantly forget commitments i made and even when I remember them, have an almost impossible time staying forcused enough to complete them well. Because of this, I am constantly being yelled at and put down by my family for "screwing up" but I am really starting to question whether I am capable of doing the same things I used to. Ever since the 7.5min seizure I had a few months ago, I have steadily gone downhill mentally. I can't remember very common words on a regular basis, I can't spell common words, or be able to focus for longer than 2min at a time, I went from being a very organized and punctual person, to a person that is rarely less than an hour late to everything, spending huge chunks of my day trying to find things or getting lost. I get so frustrated when I can't do things and I have no one to talk to about it. Its embarassing as hell and people keep telling me to go talk to a professional, but that seems like an even bigger waste of time. I dont know how to tell my loved ones how much the epilepsy scares me, how ever since I started having seizures, I have literally been in the mindset of someone who is dying. I went from having seizures that never were longer than 60seconds to having a 7.5 minute seizure for no reason at all and now I feel like at any moment I could have a seizure I wont come out of. Add to that the delayed reaction of how much this disorder has effected my life, I mean when they told me I had it, it seemed like no big deal, and it wasnt for months that I realized that I can't go to night clubs anymore, or work in a room that has a ceiling fan, or listen to certain music, or stay up late, all because I have a bad photo sensitivity. I have to warn people around me about the seizures, and leave parties because the light is bothering me, I have had to lay on my office floor and then call 911 because of it. In an instant my whole life changed and I hate it. I try to ignore it and act like I don't have it, (one of the reasons I stoped coming on the site) and then wham, i have another seizure and are back on the weirdo train. I dont have anyone to talk to about it that has any idea how it effects me on a daily basis, there are no local support groups and alltho I love this site, it doesnt help me when I am crying in my car and need someone to call who will actually know what I am talking about... Maybe I am just throwing myself a pity party, and I know I should stay positive, I usually do, but there are times when it all seems so overwhelming... Hoping for a better tomm, Hes